


Who is that, under the mistletoe?

by HimeBeat



Series: But It's Profound to Be Understood [5]
Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon - All Media Types, Pocket Monsters: Sword & Shield | Pokemon Sword & Shield Versions
Genre: Angst, Ash has a lot of feels, Character Study, Christmas, Established Relationship, Fluff, Goh is a good boyfriend, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Masara Town | Pallet Town (Pokemon), Romance, Secret Relationship, There's still plenty of fluff, here we go again, holiday fic, it's really not that sad I promise, oh boy, though not gonna lie I put Ash through the wringer, worry not about that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-27
Updated: 2020-10-10
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:41:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 27,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26672323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HimeBeat/pseuds/HimeBeat
Summary: Christmas break in Pallet-town turns out to be way more eventful than Ash expected, when a series of (admittedly, unsurprising) revelations threaten the picture of his family he's always had, and bring back the memories he's carefully locked away for years.Things in his hometown have changed, but, is he ready to move on as well?Part 3/3. Complete.
Relationships: Gou | Goh/Satoshi | Ash Ketchum, Hanako | Delia Ketchum/Ookido Yukinari-hakase | Professor Samuel Oak
Series: But It's Profound to Be Understood [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1743232
Comments: 40
Kudos: 75





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Español available: [¿Quien es ese bajo el muerdago?](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27966503) by [deathangel91](https://archiveofourown.org/users/deathangel91/pseuds/deathangel91)



> Remember that 15K monster fic I was talking about last time? Would you believe me if I told you it was supposed to be a 9K short and loving holiday fic, filled with fluff and tenderness? Well HA HA HA, this is what we all get instead. It currently stands proud at twenty-six-thousand-something, (omg it's finished, I promise) and it's everything but the sweet fic I had originally thought about. It is, too, however, exactly the story I wanted to write, and I hope you will be kind enough to join us in this holiday break, angsty and eventful as it will happen to be.
> 
> Thank you for tuning in. Please do read away:

“Oh, it’s such a treat you have you home for the holidays!” Exclaims an overjoyed Delia, hugging him so strongly Ash fears he might faint.

“M-Mama, I c-can’t breathe- ”

She releases the death-grip on her son, and moves on to hug the blue-eyed man instead, just as strongly “Goh, sweetie! Welcome home! I’ve missed you so much!” Goh hugs back as much as he can, blushing, but smiling all the way through.

For all her excitement at his and Goh’s arrival, she’d spent a good five minutes smooching Pikachu and Cinderace before even acknowledging their presence.

Ash is happy to see all is good with his mom. She looks radiant, and just as attentive as ever.

He breathes in the house, the white picket fence, the pictures of their family over the fireplace. He’d noticed a new veggie patch in the garden, and makes a note to comment on it later, offer to help with taking care of it, for as long as they’ll be staying.

“I know I’m a few days late, but I still want to congratulate you,” He hears her say, addressing his boyfriend “happy birthday, dear Goh” She’s smiling, and her hands offer the blue-eyed man a small package, wrapped in a bright purple bow.

“Ah, you - you didn’t have to!” He exclaims, blushing.

Ash loves him a little more in that second.

Loves his mom a little more, too, if possible.

“Please, is not much, but I thought you might like it” Goh thanks her profusely, and doesn’t hesitate to hug her again.

The trainer looks at the scene with a wide grin, his heart about to burst with happiness at seeing the two most important people in his life be so good to each other.

He’s so lucky, he thinks.

He knows he is.

“It is really so great you both could come,” Continues Delia, nodding to be followed into the kitchen “I know you’ve been extra busy this year, but it’s always wonderful to have you”

Ash feels a pang of guilt at her words. They _have_ been busy this year, ever since Goh and him returned to Vermillion in February, it’s been a whirlwind of movement, travels, research, and training.

Aside from those couple of weeks he’d spent in Pallet-town after returning from the Island, he’s only seen his mother on scattered weekends here and there, and nowhere near as much as he wished he could.

This upcoming year, he promises to himself.

“How is everything in Vermillion? How’s the list coming along?” She asks, the drinks are ready, along with a selection of snacks (a lot more pastries than she’d usually let Ash have, but she knows Goh has a sweet tooth, and is happy to indulge him)

“We’ve completed…hm, maybe twenty-percent of it? The Orange Islands have been the toughest, for sure” Replies Goh, right before diving into a plate of cookies.

“We spent two whole weeks there, mama, and only solved one quest! And there’s like, fifteen of them!” Chimes in the trainer.

“Oh my, that _does_ sound hard” Comments Delia, thoughtful expression on her face “Maybe you can ask Sam for some help? He knows many researchers in that region” She suggests.

“Sam?” _Who the hell was ‘Sam’?_

“Professor Oak, dummy” Supplies Goh, realizing his puzzlement.

 _Ah,_ yes. That’s a great idea, actually.

Had his mom always called him ‘Sam’?

“That’s a great idea” Says Goh, reading his mind.

After all these years together, Ash is used to them thinking pretty much the same thing, often speaking in tandem in a way that would be creepy, if he weren’t so convinced that it’s inevitable, since they are two halves of the same being.

“We wouldn’t come to Pallet without visiting him, and your Pokémon” Says Goh to Ash, who nods distractedly.

Delia perks up again “Oh, that’s great! I know he’s been looking forward to seeing you. I have also invited him for dinner tomorrow night. I hope you won’t mind?”

Why would he mind, wonders Ash. Professor Oak is practically a fixture at their table on Christmas Eve dinner. It’ll be great to have him over, and is the right thing to say, because she brightens at once and nods her agreement.

They spend that afternoon talking about anything and everything, catching up on what’s happened since they last saw each other. Goh and Ash tell her about their work, their recent vacation in Alola (they omit the falling-off-into-an-alternate-dimension part, but aren’t surprised when she brings it up, and demands the whole story, no detail spared).

In return, she tells them about the books she’s read that year, the work she’s been doing in the community, and how she’s been supporting Sam with the children groups that arrive every now and again, eager to discover the Pokémon world. _They are so much like you, baby,_ she says to Ash, eyes filled with nostalgia, _so excited about what’s out there._

What’s out there is awesome, in Ash’s opinion, and he hopes these kids will be able to see it for themselves, one day.

She informs them there is a group coming in just after Christmas, Goh immediately volunteering them to help.

Ash wants to protest, this is supposed to be a _break,_ and, _yeah,_ they’ve just come out of vacation - but this is the holidays, and it’s supposed to be family time.

But he’s lost without a fight the moment Goh turns to him with impossible, pleading blue eyes, saying just _how great_ it would be for those children to meet a real Pokémon champion in the flesh, _number fourteenth in the whole world! How-ever could he deny them such honor…_

“All right, all right, shut up,” He interrupts, blushing at he exaggerated praise “of course I’ll do it, it’ll be fun,” Pikachu agrees, cheeks full of treats and nodding enthusiastically. “You’ll have to help out, too, though! I’m sure they’ll love to hear how you’ve completed the Pokédex for three entire regions”

Most of those stories include Goh in awkward positions, chasing after Pokémon in less than safe ways. But he can’t deny they’re good stories, and nods his collaboration with a roll of eyes.

Delia loves the idea “That’s wonderful, boys! I’m sure Sam will be excited to have you there”

 _Sam,_ again. And there’s a ring to it, too.

Ash doesn’t know if this is something that’s always been there, and he’s only now begun to notice it. Or if it’s a new development.

Neither option makes him feel too comfortable. And he doesn’t know why, either.

“I’ve made some changes to your room, dear, and I believe this time around you will both find it more… _agreeable”_ Comments Delia, after she suggests they go upstair and unpack.

Ah, yes, therein was the biggest challenge of visiting his hometown: the sleeping arrangements.

Ever since Goh and him had gotten together, a little over four years ago now, it had been a fight every-time they’d be in Pallet. His bunk bed was too small and, although they’d managed a tight fit the first couple of times, after a while it had simply become impossible.

When their bodies began to fill into more adult-forms, they gave up trying altogether. It would wind up with one of them on the couch, or the floor, much to their dismay.

Ash doesn’t think he can commit to that now, however. Not after almost an entire year of sharing a bed with his partner. He’s grown too used to it, can hardly find his way on a bed (no matter how big or small) if he doesn’t have Goh next to him, to hold or be held by.

He is grateful his mom seems to understand this. Then again, she’s always understood exactly what he needs. Even before he did so himself, sometimes.

“That’s, uh - that’s great, mama, thank you,” He smiles warmly at her, and isn’t disappointed when she responds in kind. “Shall we?” He asks to Goh, nodding in the direction of the staircase.

-0-

It’s…quite the change.

His room has always been small anyways, but it was just right for him when he was a child, and for the counted weeks he’d spend in between journeys, it worked out just fine.

Now his bunk-bed is gone, and the desk attached has disappeared, too.

In its place they find a large futon, resting on a low-wooden base. It’s pushed all the way into the corner, and on its one available side, there is an equally low-standing table, with a picture of him and Go from a visit years back.

His wooden wardrobe is gone, too, instead he finds a bright yellow bean-bag chair, with his plushies scattered on top and around it. Only the embedded desk remains at the other side of the room, same old monitor and trinkets on it.

it’s…nice, still feels like his room, just - an adult version of it, sort of.

His mom has put pictures of him through the years on the walls, and, though he had taken most of his medals and trophies with him to Vermillion, she’d kept the ones from the first league he battled, right there in Kanto. They stand proudly in a wooden frame, a picture of him and Pikachu to one side, and to the other a picture of him and his team at the time.

He doesn’t realize he’s gotten lost in that memory, until he feels Goh’s lips press to the nape of his neck, head resting over his shoulder right after. He’s looking at the picture, too, with a small smile playing on his lips.

“What do you think?” Asks the trainer. It’s a whisper, they’re close enough.

“I think your hair was a mess, even back then” Teases Goh, and they both chuckle.

“I mean the room” He clarifies, with a roll of eyes.

Goh hums “It’s awesome,” He replies, stepping back and turning to eye the futon “ _that’s_ gotta be worlds better than your child-sized bunkbed”

“Mm, a lot more space, too,” Murmurs Ash, closing up to Goh again, breathing the words into his ear, making his breath hitch “You know what that means?” He nibbles the lobe playfully, which enacts a shudder from the blue-eyed man.

Goh breathes out, patiently “ _Yes,_ it means I can push you as far away from me as possible, and finally get some good rest” he huffs, head turning away in dismissal.

Ash snorts, and envelops him in his arms from behind, not letting him get away at all, and instead attacking his neck with short, playful kisses, that have them both laughing soon enough.

Cinderace and Pikachu are still exploring the room around them, and it’s only when he sees his companion jumping up and down the futon that Ash repairs on how this new set-up must have taken some logistics work, not to mention muscle-power.

He can’t imagine his mom moving all that furniture by herself, not even with Mr. Mime’s help.

“Well, what do you think? You like it?” Asks Delia, appearing suddenly, leaning against the doorframe.

“It’s fantastic, mama. Thank you!” He exclaims, excitedly, Goh expressing his agreement.

“They seem to like it, too,” Smiles the woman, looking at Pikachu and Cinderace, now playing around with Ash’s plush toys on the beanbag chair “I’m so glad, I really want you to feel at home here” She says, making Ash feel a wave of sentiment at the words.

Pallet-town will always be home. _A_ home. His first one, and, as long as his mother is there, he’ll keep coming back with a smile on his face.

Still, what he recognizes as home these days (and for the rest of them, he hopes) it’s snug in his arms right now, warm and perfect, and Ash feels like he’s right where he belongs.

“But, how did you do all this? Getting all the other stuff out, and putting this in, it must have been a lot” He questions, still trying to figure out how she’d worked it.

Delia waves her hand as if it were nothing “Oh, not at all, Mr. Mime helped quite a bit, and Sam was kind enough to help me with the heavier stuff, it was a breeze”

_Sam, Sam, Sam…_

_Huh._

-0-

He mulls it over all afternoon, over dinner, while he’s brushing his teeth. _What is it,_ about the way she says Professor Oak’s name, that is so different from the way it’s always been.

If it’s even different at all, if he isn’t making it up in his head.

As with everything else that he can’t quite figure out, he shares it with Goh, in the hopes that a second, somewhat objective opinion will help him make sense of it.

“Maybe I’m just imagining it…” He sighs, looking up to the ceiling, arms crossed behind his head, dim moonlight coming through the window.

The futon is incredibly comfortable. Both of them fit perfectly, and Pikachu finds an easy spot near the bottom. Cinderace - not one to sleep with them if it can help it - has claimed the yellow beanbag.

Next to him, Goh hums in consideration “The way she says his name?” He hadn’t noticed anything odd with it.

They’ve always referred to Professor Oak as…well… _Professor Oak,_ out of habit, on Ash’s side, and out of respect on Goh’s, who’d briefly worked with him prior to joining Professor Burnet in the Aether Foundation. He’d been his superior, and as the ultimate expert in human-Pokémon relationships and behaviors, Goh couldn’t imagine ever just calling him _Sam,_ he admires the man too much for that.

But he can see why Delia would. They have known each other for a long time, before Professor Oak was _the_ Professor Oak, before she was Ash’s mother. She doesn’t know him as a Pokémon researcher, voice-of-reason in his field-of-study. To Delia, Samuel Oak is just Samuel Oak.

A friend.

A friend who helped her move furniture around the house. Who came over for dinner every now and again. Pallet-town wasn’t particularly large, and Delia was a friendly woman by nature, she was well known around.

Goh didn’t understand why Ash was pondering so much on her friendship with Professor Oak, when he never gave it a second thought before, or why he was so hung-up on the way she said his name…

It’s not like there was anything special about…

_Oh._

“Oh…” He gasps, his eyes widening in realization.

“Goh?” Questions his partner, head turning to look at him.

“I mean…” it wasn’t his place to say, and he could be completely off in his deduction. If so, he shouldn’t be putting ideas in Ash’s head, especially with how confused he already is.

Still, he’s never been one to keep things from Ash. That’s not how they work.

That is _why_ they work.

“Baby?” Prompts Ash again, hoisting himself on one arm, searching for Goh’s eyes, who has now gone too quiet, deep in thought himself.

The researcher shakes his head, pursing his lips “You know, the way you say _my_ name?” He begins, trying to be tactful on his approach.

“Um…Goh?” He tries, making the aforementioned chuckle.

“No, I mean - it’s…it’s different, the way you say my name, it _sounds_ different, from the way everyone else says it”

“It does?” Goh isn’t surprised he hadn’t noticed. It had been a recent discovery for him, too.

And it’s not really a discovery at all. It was just a page from a dumb, teen magazine article Chloe had been talking about, but still…

“The way I say your name is different as well, it’s a - ”

“It’s because we are a couple” Completes Ash, understanding drawing on his face.

Goh nods, slowly, letting Ash join the rest of the dots in his head.

“It’s - I’m not _sure_ of it, I mean, but it’s a - a possibility?”

And now Ash is the one who nods. It makes sense.

Why does it make sense?

Why wouldn’t it?

Ash spends eleven months of the year out of town, and he’s not oblivious to the fact that his mom and Professor Oak are friends, even when he’s not there. They meet each other for lunch and tea, and she helps out when he receives children groups at the lab. She travels with him often, to big events, even, and he had helped set up his room, and…

 _“Oh”_ It’s quiet, a lot quieter than Goh’s own realization had been, but the blue-eyed man hears him, and nods again, not wanting to disturb the moment, knowing that Ash is still processing.

A parade of expressions crosses his face as he thinks, from confusion, to a frown, his lips pouting out comically, to his eyes closing in what Goh recognizes as his boyfriend being dismayed at something, not wanting to deal with it.

Eventually, though, he releases a sigh, eyes still shut.

When they open again, he looks at Goh more intently.

“You all right?” He questions, Ash still too serious for him to be at ease.

“I think so?” But he’s shaking his head, frown from a moment ago returning “My mom and…Professor Oak?” Goh offers a sympathetic smile, it’s an awkward thought for him as well.

“We don’t _know,_ Ash” He reminds.

It’s just a silly theory based on the tone of Delia’s voice. What’s more, his foundation for it had come from a _teen magazine article._ As a scientist, he can’t take himself too seriously right now.

“But…but it makes sense, doesn’t it? They’re really close” Continues the trainer.

Goh shrugs “Yes? But maybe they are just good friends, and that’s it”

“You and I were just _good friends”_ He argues, flopping back on the futon, looking up.

Goh uses the position to cuddle into his space, face pressed to the trainer’s chest. Stressed as he is, Ash replies on instinct, and wraps an arm around his boyfriend’s shoulders.

“We still are” is what Goh replies, softly, a hand to Ash’s heart-point, offering quiet comfort.

Yeah, thinks Ash. But they are _so much more._

Goh and him, they can read each other perfectly, know when the other needs to be held, or needs space.

They push the other to be better, and have supported one another through their respective dreams, even when it meant great distances and uncertainty for their relationship.

In the almost ten years since they’ve known each other, a day has not gone by that Ash isn’t grateful he’d met Goh.

And he is grateful for every single one of his friends, all of them have taught him something, all of them have been supportive of his goals and adventures. They’ve all been part of his journey.

But he has never felt as understood as he does with Goh. It’s a type of intimacy he didn’t think he wanted, or needed, until he’d discovered it in his friend’s blue-eyes, in the way his words make everything a little simpler, his touch helps him feel a little better, no matter how complicated things get.

They are each other’s comfort, each other’s _home._

And it’s also just so much _fun_ just being with Goh. It’s always a good time. They both love Pokémon, have a calling to adventure, and a never-ending curiosity about the world around them. They are compatible like that, and Ash knows that’s important, too.

They work great together, as research-fellows, as roommates, as friends, as lovers.

They just… it’s _easy._ It had been natural, the chemistry between them.

It isn’t always perfect, and relationships (of all types) take work. He’s learned that, too. With Goh, with his friends, with Pokémon. But he’s willing to put in the hours, and grow, as he’s been doing for the last nine years since he set out on his journey.

He hopes he can keep walking forward with Goh by his side, because he’s never liked the journey more than since he met his best friend.

He sighs, overwhelmed, when his head darts back to the original issue.

This is a lot.

He feels so much love for the man in his arms, and he wants that same warmth for everyone he cares about. He wants all of his friends to find something that moves them, and to find someone who helps them move, who makes them happy.

He wants that for his mom, too, of course.

 _Of course._ It’s just…

“This is…I don’t know how I feel about this” He admits. Goh nods into his chest.

He leans back a moment later, though, so that they can see each other clearly.

“That’s okay, Ash, don’t feel like you have to be okay with it right away”

“But shouldn’t I? It isn’t…it’s a good thing, isn’t it? I - would I be a terrible son if I weren’t okay with it? I’m - I really don’t know, Goh”

But he’s feeling guilty about it, Goh can tell, even when he’s done absolutely nothing wrong.

Ash is too pure, and always tries to do the right thing. But he is also human, he has feeling and gets upset. And he can get locked into his head sometimes, often loses his focus, balance, perspective…

Ash is the _best_ human-being Goh knows, but he’s not perfect. And it’s not like Goh wants him to be.

But he’s also not a fan of seeing him in distress, and has personally vowed to do anything and everything in his power to ensure Ash is as happy as can be, and to be there for him when that isn’t the case, soothing away his worries, helping sort out whatever trouble he gets into.

“You are most definitely _not_ a terrible son,” Says Go, firmly “And you don’t have to know how to feel right now. _If_ there is something between your mother and Professor Oak, maybe the best way to know how you feel about it is by seeing them together, collecting data” He explains, in a way he knows Ash will understand.

The trainer snickers at the phrasing “Like research?” He asks.

“Exactly like research” Confirms Goh, hand reaching out to caress the mark on Ash’s right cheek, who leans into the warm palm.

“What if I don’t like it?” It’s a possibility, that it might just be too much for him, too strange. Maybe he could never grow to accept it.

And what, then? It would hurt his mother, he knows, and Professor Oak - Professor Oak is _awesome,_ he wouldn’t want to upset him, either. It’d be so selfish of him to…

“Hey, look at me” Cuts Goh, his other hand coming up as well to cup Ash’s face, forcing them to make eye contact again.

He’s changed positions, too, and is now straddling Ash’s thighs, upper body hovering over the trainer’s.

Ash meets his eyes hesitantly, frowning in unfounded worry.

“Don’t do this to yourself,” Pleads Goh over a sad sigh “Don’t think of ‘what if’. We _don’t know,_ Ash. And, whatever it is, it will be all right, yeah? We’ll figure it out”

It’s a little funny, because these are the words Ash has said to him a million times. It’s the words they have repeated to each other for years, when they were apart, or when they get in trouble (which is unsurprisingly often).

It’s a bit of a mantra at this point, but the words never lose their sense of promise, the conviction behind them unwavering.

“All right?” He presses, when Ash doesn’t say anything for a minute.

Ash breathes out, slowly. He feels overwhelmed, and confused, and more stressed-out than he probably should. But Goh’s eyes are fixed on him, impossibly blue, boring into his troubled brown ones, and they ground him, Goh’s presence helping calm down his unwanted anxiousness, his soft touch bringing him back to the room, out of his head.

Goh is good at that, making him feel better, making him feel valid. Never telling him that what he feels is silly, or that he should get over himself. Even when Ash has a hard time finding the words to express himself, with Goh, he’s learned that he doesn’t really need to say all that much, because his friend will understand him anyway, or at least try to. And that’s enough for Ash.

“All right,” He replies, on cue, and the tightness on his chest eases a little “All right” he repeats, managing a small smile.

Goh kisses him, softly, reassuringly. His hands still on Ash’s face, and his thumbs caress the available skin.

They are both a little breathless when they pull away, and Go doesn’t get too far, choosing to kiss all over Ash’s face instead, until the trainer is giggling at the attention.

“Let’s get some rest” Proposes the researcher.

Ash is happy to oblige, and shamelessly wraps Goh around himself, wanting to be held.

Goh comforts him with all he’s got, hugging him tightly against his chest, taking advantage of the space they have, and making sure Ash is as relaxed as he can be right now, all things considered.

“It’ll be all right” He promises again, Ash nodding his sleepy agreement, without saying anything anymore.

Goh begins humming a familiar tune, softly, and he hears Ash chuckle under his breath, it’s the song Delia used to sing to him, and it never fails to make him feel better. Pikachu, sensing its trainer’s distress, has moved up in the bed, and found its own place under Ash’s arm, also offering its quiet support to make the trainer feel better, singing along with Goh to the tune they all know very well by now.

Goh keeps his action for a while longer, until he’s sure his boyfriend has fallen asleep, and only then does he allow himself some rest.

-0-

“I always liked this picture” is the first thing Ash says the following morning, sleepy eyes fixed on the frame sitting atop the low-bedside table.

It was the two of them in Professor Oak’s lab, in the garden where his Pokémon live.

In the picture, Ash’s arm is around Goh’s neck, and they’re both sporting large grins.

It’s a bittersweet memory. It was the last time Goh and him were together before they had to part ways for three years. They’d only been dating for a few weeks at the time, and the uncertainty of what was about to come was almost overbearing.

They were stupidly young, but Ash actually believes that was a good thing, because they were also stupidly in love, and had been foolish enough to take upon the challenge, and try to make it work, despite all the complications that were sure to arise.

Four years later, he knows he had been right. And he would do it all over again, if it means he’d feel Goh’s arms wrap around him the way they’re doing right now, face pressed to his back, mumbling sleepily.

They are still dumb boys, stupidly in love. And Ash is happy to bask in that joy. In this moment, that is in no-way extraordinary, and yet makes him feel over-the-moon.

Go lifts his head enough to look past the trainer’s shoulder, eyeing the picture as well “It’s a nice one” He agrees, voice drowsy.

Ash thinks of the Lab again, of his Pokémon, of the years he’s spent coming back to Pallet, to see them, to see his mom, and, _yes,_ to see Professor Oak as well.

These are the constants in his life. Comforts, for everything else that moves so much, with his incessant need for adventure.

He had never noticed how Professor Oak was part of these… _permanences_ he’d grown used to. Much like with the rest of them, he can’t imagine a life without the man in it.

But it’s weird to think of it from a perspective outside of his. To think of Professor Oak as _Sam._

To think - to _accept_ what he might mean to his mom.

That’s new, it’s a shift in something he believed would never change.

He doesn’t know what to do. Doesn’t know what to think of it. And it makes him feel guilty that he can’t just accept it with the same ease he accepts mostly every other change. Why can’t he just be happy for them? Why _isn’t_ he happy? This isn’t, in any way, a bad thing.

And yet.

“Ash,” He hears Goh say, and it’s funny, because he can hear the difference now “Are you feeling okay? Come here” He prompts, turning on his back, and pulling the trainer to him, similar to the way they’d slept the night before.

“This is so weird” He mumbles.

Goh understands that ‘weird’ is probably the word he finds the easiest right now, but it’s nowhere near enough to begin to explain everything he is feeling. Goh understands all this, because he has spent nearly a decade decoding they mystery that is Ash Ketchum. And has spent the last four years learning in the intimacies of his life, his mind, his very essence.

Ash feels understood with Goh, even when he can’t always explain himself.

He wonders if it’s the same for them.

He wonders why that upsets him, if it’s true.

“We don’t even know if anything is really going on, you’re stressing over what _could be_ nothing” Reminds Goh, caressing the bed-combed raven hair.

“It’s not nothing” He refutes, a little exasperated.

Go winces at the tone, but amends “You are right, you are right, it’s not ‘nothing’. What I’m trying to say is: we don’t know if _it is_ at all. And, _if it is,_ let’s give them a chance to tell you what is really going on. Let’s not jump to hasty conclusions”

That’s simple enough, Ash can do that.

It’s almost Christmas, and he doesn’t want to ruin their holiday break over this. Whatever this is. Whatever it is that is happening (or not) between his mom and Professor Oak.

Goh doesn’t want to ask what he is about to ask, but he has to, and, with all the love he has for the man in his arms, he prepares to - potentially - shoot an arrow straight into his heart.

“Is this - could this be about your dad?”

Ash’s breath hitches immediately, his expression turning from pensive to painful. He keeps quiet, considering for a moment, and slowly shakes his head.

“I - No, I don’t think so? I don’t know…” He replies.

He’s fairly certain his much-faded father isn’t the issue right now, but, in a way, there is something that rings oddly close to him in this whole situation.

But it isn’t about Professor Oak resembling (or replacing) his dad. It isn’t even about his mom finding someone else to love (though, that’s a whole ‘nother thing). _This is…_

Is about his mom moving on, maybe. Not from his dad, necessarily, he is happy that has happened, that is a _good_ thing. But it also means that she is now onto something else. That represents a change, an alteration of the comforts Ash knows and appreciates so much.

And maybe that is it. He’s just being resistant to change. A change that has already happened. That he can’t do anything about.

It’s not that he _wants_ to do anything about it. That’s not…

He sighs, heavily, pressing impossibly closer to Goh, wishing he could just merge into his body, stay in this little bubble forever.

“Shh, it’s all right, Ash” Comforts his boyfriend, kissing the top of his head, holding him tight, as tight as Ash needs right now.

“I’m sorry I’m ruining our Christmas break” He laments.

Goh is quick to stop him “Hey, none of that, you’re not ruining anything, understand? Don’t even think of that” His voice is soft, but firm. There’s no way he’s letting Ash blame himself for anything. Specially with the way he is feeling already.

He murmurs a quiet _thank you_ to Goh’s chest, because, broody as he is feeling right now, he feels most grateful for having Goh to hold him through it.

He falls asleep again, lulled by his partner’s attentions, and feeling too overwhelmed to begin the day just yet. It’s early enough anyways, and they are on holiday. He doesn’t think his mom will mind much if they sleep in.

-0-

They don’t go downstairs until two hours later. Lured with the smell of breakfast.

Ash’s spirits have lifted some, thanks to Goh’s kind words and promises of a great holiday break, spent with his Pokémon, his lovely family, and maybe they can go to the ice-cream shop, too, the one in town that Ash loves so much, where they have that Pallet-exclusive flavor that he’s always talking about.

“Ah, good morning, my dears,” Smiles Delia, bringing out the coffee-pot, filling a mug for each of them “Did you sleep well?”

Ash doesn’t have the heart (nor the words) to tell her all that’s been going through his head since he arrived. So he lies, even though he hates doing so “Yes, mama, the futon is awesome!” He exclaims, trying to be as cheery as he usually would.

It’s not entirely a lie, because the futon _is_ great, and, for the few hours he’d been unconscious, he had felt really good.

“I’m so happy to hear that!” Arceus, she is adorable. Ash really loves her. Is genuinely is happy they are here right now “hopefully that means you will visit more often” She says over a wink.

They will, they promise they will, and invite her to join them in Vermillion whenever she pleases, too. She’s always welcome in their home.

She says she’ll join Sam next time he visits Cerise, which should be in early February. It’s such a casual comment, the type of think Ash wouldn’t have given a second thought before.

But now, his mind begins reeling at the implications. Where else have they gone together? Do they travel often? Where do they stay? Who do they visit? What…

Goh placates him with a squeeze to his thigh, camouflaged by the table. Intense blue eyes meet his spiraling brown ones, and Ash releases a breath he didn’t realize he was holding.

He breathes in again, more conscious this time. Goh’s eyes raise in a question, _all right?,_ and he breathes out again, calming himself, and responds, _all right._

He isn’t, and they both know it. But Ash hopes he will be so, soon enough.

He just needs to process some things. And he agrees with Goh the he needs to _see it,_ actually experience his mother and Professor Oak being together in a room and interacting, to figure out how he truly feels about all this.

Suddenly, he’s kinda eager to get moving.

“Is Professor Oak in the lab today, mama?” He asks, his mother evidently caught off-guard at the question.

“Uh, I don’t know, sweetie, he should be. It’s only Thursday, after all,” She replies, eying Ash funnily from the brim of her coffee-mug “He’s usually in around nine”

And _how does she know,_ he wants to ask, but he’s not feeling brave enough to do so.

He nods instead, and proceeds to eat the rest of his breakfast at an alarming speed, both his mother and his partner chastising him for it.

“You’re going to _choke,_ slow down” Hisses a frowning Goh, halting him with a hand to his wrist.

“Ah, dear, and you will get a tummy-ache…” Worries Delia, her eyes earnest.

He might, but he needs to get out of here, and he’s hungry, and…the way his mother is looking at him right now does make him stop on his tracks, the pressure of Goh’s hand isn’t softening, either, and, okay, maybe he can take it down a notch.

“What’s the hurry? Your Pokémon will be excited to see you, but I’m sure they won’t want you to be sick, either” Says his mother.

Of course Ash can’t tell her that more than his Pokémon, it’s Professor Oak who he’s eager to see, though he doesn’t much understand why, exactly.

It’s not like he’s planning to confront him.

Next to him, Goh is somewhat more privy of his reasons, and can understand his haste, but is still very much opposed to Ash rushing through his meal just to get out. He throws the trainer a _look,_ and the rest of Ash’s act drops quickly.

“All right, _fine,_ I’ll slow down” He says, nervously, not wanting to get scolded any further.

Goh releases his hold, warning look still on his face. Ash pouts childishly, but does as ordered, and chews more patiently at his food.

Just to spite him - and because he’s an idiot like that - Goh eats purposely _slower_ than he normally would, and finishes after Ash and Delia are done themselves.

Ash hates him a little.

It’s another half an hour before they are finally on the road, making the walk from his childhood home to the Professor’s lab.

They walk mostly in silence, Goh pointing out the few changes he can notice since the last time he’d been there. Ash hums along, distractedly.

He begins to feel antsy when he sees the familiar windmill standing atop the hill. Unfounded worry ebbing at his core once more.

Ah, he might be sick after all.

“Ash - ” The trainer cuts him with a shake of his head. He takes a deep breath, and feels Pikachu mimmic his action.

From the corner of his eye, he can see Goh is frowning, and he offers a brief squeeze to their joined hands “I’m fine, Goh, I just need a second…” He says.

Goh nods towards the lab “You want me to go ahead? Give you a minute alone?” He asks.

Ash replies by shaking his head again. He could spend the entire day out here, and still wouldn’t feel ready to walk in.

Besides, Goh’s hand offers much needed comfort, but it also makes him brave, and he’d rather not lose that courage right now.

“Let’s just get this over with” He says, already walking up the hill.

“They’ll be so happy to see you” reminds Goh, referring to his Pokémon, and probably to Professor Oak as well.

And, yeah, _yes._ This is still home, he’s still here to visit his friends, that hasn’t changed. He can still enjoy that.

He doesn’t bother knocking or announcing them, the front gates are open anyways, and he presumes the Professor knows they’re coming, his mother had probably informed him.

But it’s not Professor Oak they find when they walk into the main lab.

Ash doesn’t know if it’s that’s good or not.

“Hey! It’s my favorite research buddy!” Chants a voice, almost as soon as they walk in “Oh, the loser is here as well” He says a moment later, casting his eyes to Ash, scornful look on his face.

Pikachu is quick to jump off his shoulder, joining an excited Umbreon on the floor.

“Ha ha” Says Ash, drily, Goh leaving his side to properly greet Gary, both grinning broadly.

 _That_ had been an odd friendship for Ash to process.

Though Ash couldn’t be surprised every time Goh befriended one of his own friends - Goh was awesome, of course everyone would want to be friends with him -and, though he’d always kept a teasing frenemies relationship with Gary, he recognizes his former rival as one of his oldest friends.

And he is glad they’d become good friends over their shared love for research and other nerdy-things. Especially during those first moths he and Goh had been apart, he knew he could trust Gary to be a good friend.

Annoying as he was, he was one of the loyalest people Ash knew.

“I see you’re still hanging out with this idiot” Sighs Gary, tutting disapprovingly.

Ash rolls his eyes, but Goh laughs, delighted.

_That’s not very nice._

“What can I say, I kinda like him” Shrugs Goh, winking flirtatiously in Ash’s direction.

_Okay, maybe a little nice._

“I’ll just never understand why” Continues Gary, theatric, like he’s always been.

That hasn’t changed, either, and Ash finds himself being strangely grateful.

Even when Gary is insufferable, he’s _always_ been insufferable. And he finds a strange comfort in that right now.

“Ha. Obviously, Goh isn’t going to pass the chance to be with a champion” Smarts Ash, raising his head proudly.

“A champion? Where? All I see is the same old loser” Fires back Gary.

“Oh, yeah? Wanna settle it?” He challenges.

Goh is pleased to see some of his usual fire has returned, but he doesn’t think breaking into battle in the middle of the lab is a great idea.

Gary, the most rational of the three of them, seems to agree.

“Nah,” he dismisses “ I’ve seen the rankings, you’re okay” there’s a small smile on his face, something akin to pride, and his superiority façade falls a little.

“Number fourteenth in the world” Declares Ash, very proud of himself.

“Yeah, yeah, don’t rub it in, you’re only there because I quit. Arceus knows I could’ve beaten you out of the championship years ago” Retorts Gary.

Goh watches them patiently, too used to their antics, and yet, never quite understanding why they are like this.

He’d met Gary years after he’d stopped battling, but, from what he’s heard from Ash and Professor Oak, he was quite good.

Then again, Gary is what one could call a prodigy, and Goh doesn’t doubt he’d be great at anything he did.

“Hey, Goh, want to check out this data with me? We’ve been looking into seasonal behavior changes in insect and water types, the Winter has been crazy for them…” Goh is immediately interested, but Ash interrupts before they can get too into it.

“Where is Professor Oak?” He asks, hoping he doesn’t sound too suspicious. It _shouldn’t_ be, it’s a fairly normal question “Is he here today?”

Gary nods in response “Of course he is. Back in the garden, with all your Pokémon, _he_ does look after them, you know”

It’s a harsh accusation, and any other day Ash would punch him for saying something like that, but he barely registers it this time, and waves a hand in dismissal, heading towards the garden without saying much else.

“Is he all right?” Questions Gary, a moment after the trainer has left.

Goh scrunches his face, unsure “Not really, he’s…processing some stuff” He replies, somewhat cryptical.

Though, actually, Gary would probably know, right?

“Know what?” Questions his friend again, and Goh should really start realizing when he wonders stuff out-loud, lest he lets something important slip one of these days.

“Mm, well, we sort of have this theory - it might be completely off! But we think that… _maybe,_ there is something going on between Professor Oak and - and Ash’s mom?”

It sounds so weird to even say it. He expects Gary to laugh in his face, tell him they’re idiots for thinking something like that.

The brunette _does_ look at him funny, but more with confusion than mockery.

“Wait…so, you’re telling me you - you _don’t know?”_

Oh.

_Oh._ _Shit._

“ _it’s true?_ ” He questions back, not hiding the surprise in his voice.

“Dude, for like, _years_ now,” Replies Gary, still in disbelief at their obliviousness “Grandpa told me so long ago, it’s old news around here…but then, you mean - _Ash_ doesn’t know? Ms. Ketchum didn’t tell him?”

Goh shakes his head, trying to make sense of it in his head.

He has the confirmation now, he knows there is something going on. More surprisingly, it’s apparently been going on for a while.

But he can’t quite believe it.

Gary seems unfazed, though “You don’t care?”

The other-researcher shrugs “Why would I? I mean, they’re good friends, keep each other company, make each other happy - why would I be upset about that?” Goh nods, of course, it makes perfect sense when he puts it like that “I miss my grandmother, sure, but…She’s been gone for a long time, and gramps deserves to be happy, you know…”

 _Yeah,_ that’s what he had thought, too. And he’s certain Ash shares that sentiment.

He’s just having a harder time getting around it.

This is his family, after all, and, no matter how much Goh sympathizes, he can’t fully comprehend the impact is having on him. There are memories that he knows Ash has buried, things he doesn’t talk about often.

About his father, yes. But also about his mom.

There is no questioning how much the trainer absolutely _adores_ his mother. They are close, despite the fact that Ash spends most of his time away, that special bond between them is never compromised.

He calls her all the time, asks for her advice, and, though he complains of her love for embarrassing him, he secretly enjoys how attentive she is.

The only other person who knows Ash that well is probably Goh, and even then, their dynamic is too different to draw any comparisons.

Delia is special to Ash, in a way nobody else can be, and Goh can see why anything concerning her is particularly important to his boyfriend. Why it is so potentially upsetting, if it’s something that alters the idea and the relationship he has with his mother.

The fact that she has apparently kept this a secret for so long - Goh can’t imagine Ash will take it too well; he’s already gotten so upset over the mere _possibility_ of a relationship, this could positively throw him off, now.

Still, he deserves to know.

But… should Goh be the one to tell him?

If Delia or Professor Oak haven’t done so already -

“Hey, hey, Goh! Come back to Earth, man” Calls Gary, a hand waving in front of his face.

He blinks rapidly, reincorporating form his wondering thoughts. Gary rolls his eyes at him.

“Honestly, that idiot is contagious,” He mocks, and Goh frowns at the insult, even though he shouldn’t, when it was so harmless coming from Gary “Hey - Look, don’t think too much about it, yeah? It’s not a big deal, it’s not like they’re going to marry and have kids, they’re just…old people, being old and boring and happy together, that’s it” He says, over another somewhat indifferent shrug.

Oh, how Goh wished Ash could be this nonchalant about it.

But it was also different, wasn’t it? Professor Oak wasn’t Gary’s dad, and, although he had very tragically lost both parents at a young age, he had fond memories of a well-lived childhood, had the chance to be with them and enjoy having a normal family, and then Professor Oak had bravely taken in both him and his sister after the accident. Now he has nephews and nieces and he - his grandad is important to him, of course, but he has more family members that have seen him grown, with whom he shares memories and a life.

Delia is the only family Ash has ever really known. The only one he’s counted on, at the very least.

It saddens Goh to even remember those conversations. And he know Ash’s pain is much greater than he lets on.

It _is_ a big deal. If it so for his partner, it will be for him as well.

“It matters to Ash” Is what he finally replies, and Gary looks at him as if questioning why that should matter to _him._

But Gary cares about Ash, too, in his own way. They’ve been friends too long for him _not_ to care.

Still, it’s not like he understand the situation enough to tell Goh what to do about it, or how to make it easier to process for Ash.

There’s one thing he knows, though:

“Well, then, it’s a good thing he’s got you, because this is definitely gonna hit him some”

Goh nods his agreement, but the words, far from making him feel better, just feed his growing worry of how this holiday break might play out.

So far, not good.

-0-

“Ash!”It’s so cheery, so characteristic of the person he knows and looks up to.

Ash desperately wants to see just that, the same old Professor Oak he’s always known.

He is surprised to realize he _does._ His hair is a little grayer, but to that, too, he’s grown accustomed over the years, the crinkles around his eyes are soft, kind, like him. His smile as bright as ever.

The anxiety Ash had been feeling dissipates considerably.

He was feeding the Pokémon, which is awfully familiar, too. Bulbasaur, Torkoal, and Gliscor, a second ago focused on their food, immediately light up at the sight of their trainer, and choose to ambush him instead, excited, easily knocking him to the ground.

It’s no long after all the nearby creatures hear the racket and join the commotion. Ash is thrilled to see them, relieved to know they are all right (though he had known they would be, of course, Professor Oak take great care of them).

Professor Oak, who he still hasn’t greeted properly, too busy buried under a pile of Pokémon.

“Ah, ha ha, stop that, Totodile, it tickles” He scratches the crocodile’s head, who leans into the touch with a broad smile.

He’s still on the ground, still surrounded by his excited friends, but they’ve simmered enough that he can address Professor Oak again.

He’s feeling much better, and his smile is sincere when he says “it’s good to see you, Professor Oak”

“You, too, son, nice of you to visit,” Replies the older man, looking at him fondly “they’ve been missing you a lot”

Ash scratches his cheek, somewhat apologetic “Ah, yes, I really haven’t been here much this year….”

“Professor Cerise has kept you busy, I hear” there’s humor in his voice, and Ash laughs, because it’s true.

But also because he feels relieved. Professor Oak hasn’t changed. And he doesn’t feel any different interacting with him.

 _It’s all right._ He hears Goh’s voice say in his head, a remembrance of the comforts he’d whispered the night before.

And, yeah, he can believe that now.

He tells him a bit about their journeys that year, he knows the Professor is aware of most of them, since he keeps in touch with Professor Cerise, and his mother probably tells him everything as well, but he still listens attentively to the trainer’s words, and engages him in conversation.

Professor Oak is awesome like that.

They’re walking around the garden, watching the Pokémon interact in their habitat, when Goh finally joins them.

He seems nervous, Ash notices, but he only gets a jittery smile in reply to his questioning look, and Professor Oak is asking more about their research now, Goh immediately answering expertly with facts and stats.

Ah, yes: his boyfriend, the nerd.

But Professor Oak is fascinated, and Ash is glad to see they get along so well. He often forgets Goh had lived in Pallet-town, had worked with Professor Oak prior to joining the Aether Foundation.

He, too, has memories here. With his mother, Gary, and Professor Oak. The people in town recognize him when they visit, ask about his Pokémon, remember some anecdote from years back.

Goh loves going to the store, picking season fruits and chatting with the old-man who runs the place, loves the ice-cream shop they’d gone to on their first visits, with the one-flavor that can’t be found anywhere else. He loves the meadows on the southern side of town, where you can catch a glimpse of the ocean, Cinderace and him going often after the day at the lab was over, just to sit and enjoy the sunset.

They both love it here, and Ash wouldn’t want for anything to taint their image of this place. His irrational moodiness towards what _could be_ included. It’s probably nothing anyways. Professor Oak is the good old Professor Oak, nothing has really changed.

 _Nothing has really changed._ And he has nothing to worry about.

They spend that morning reconnecting with the Pokémon, Goh has brought a selection of his own (the ones he’d brought with him when he’d worked at Professor Oak’s lab) and they’re all excited to see their friends once again, running around their trainers and with each other through the gardens.

Ash isn’t surprised to see how fond of Goh some of his Pokémon are, even Oshawott and Bayleef, who he knows are quite jealous and possessive of their trainer, pretty much bypass him after their greeting, and choose to curl into Goh’s space instead, demanding the attention the blue-eyed man is trying to split in twenty different ways.

The champion laughs at the scene, smitten.

Goh smiles back at him, glad to see his demeanor has changed for the better.

They’re sitting next to each other on the ground, and it’s easy enough for Goh to reach out a hand, his thumb coming up to caress Ash’s jaw, tilting his face so their eyes meet.

There is a hint worry in his voice when he asks, “How are you feeling?” He keeps the tone low, even though neither Professor Oak nor Gary are anywhere in sight.

Ash offers him a smile “I’m okay,” He replies. _He is._ He has decided as much “it’s like you said, we don’t really know, and it’s stupid of me to overreact without knowing the whole story. Besides, it’s probably nothing.” He sounds calm, and confident, and Goh nods at the response, even though he’s not feeling either of those things at the moment.

He wants to tell him, he really does. _He should._ Because now that he knows, there’s no reason to keep Ash in the dark about it.

He _should_ tell him, because Ash should have some time to prepare before the dinner they’re supposed to share that evening.

He _should_ tell him, because apparently it’s been a thing for a while, and Goh feels a little angry no-one has yet. Ash has a right to know this, it concerns him, too, and he’d seen firsthand how distressed it had made the trainer to even _think_ about it.

Goh would be tactful about it, would know how to handle the situation.

He _should_ tell him, even if Ash is not ready to hear it, even if it’s going to crush him some, because Goh can be there to soften the blow.

He is _about_ to tell him, when he feels the hand still holding Ash’s chin be enveloped by the trainer’s tan one, he kisses the palm briefly, and pulls at Goh’s arm so they can share a proper kiss.

It’s soft and brief, and Goh hasn’t finished registering it when it’s over.

Ash’s eyes lock with his, and he nods once, confident “Seriously, I’m okay,” He repeats, and he is, Goh can tell because his eyes are shining in that funny way he adores “Don’t worry so much, let’s just enjoy our break, yeah?”

Goh smiles weakly in reply, and manages a nod. He waits until Ash has turned to pet Snivy to bite his lip, not wanting to have _that_ argument right now.

He’ll probably notice it, anyways, but that is future Goh’s problem.

Present Goh thinks he has enough on his plate, as it is.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your kind welcoming to this story, and for you comments and kudos, they mean a lot to me. 
> 
> Um, quite a lot happens here, so I'm just gonna let you have at it, see you at the end notes x

Delia loves Christmas.

Greatly because Ash _loves_ Christmas. Had always gotten excited about the holiday season as a child.

Even when it was just the two of them and Mr. Mime, which wasn’t different from a normal day. And even when his gifts were always some Pokémon related little item, Ash cherished them, and proudly displayed them on the shelves of his room.

Later, when he was on the road and happened to be away for the holidays, he’d make sure to call his mom, wish her a happy Christmas, and promise he’d be home soon.

It would always be several weeks before he made good on that promise, and the festivities’ air would usually be long-gone, Pallet-town returning to its everyday colors, its everyday life.

Delia never complained. She graciously accepted the little tokens he’d pick up for her on his journeys. Belated Christmas gifts, belated birthday gifts…

For the longest time Ash felt guilty about it. About leaving, chasing after some grand adventure. It’s what he’d always wanted, of course, it was the journey that would eventually lead him to achieve his ultimate dream.

But after some years on the road, when the realities he had chosen began to sink in, traveling region after region, losing and winning battles, challenging Pokémon leagues. After he’d met Goh, and Leon, all his other friends and rivals. At some point, during all those adventures that never quite seemed to just _stop_ , Ash began to understand just how much his mother had actually been a part of his journey, even when she hadn’t physically been there for most of it.

He’d seen enough of the world to finally understand just how difficult it must have been for her, to take care of him practically on her own, and watch over his well-being, even when he was far away.

And the fact that she always did everything with a smile on her face?

She had never questioned his dreams, only encouraged them, no matter how unreachable they may have sounded.

His mother had been the first person to believe in him, and he knew he could always return to her.

Winner or loser, she was always there.

She’s the constant Ash couldn’t do without.

She’d often reassured him of just _how proud_ she was of him _,_ that he shouldn’t think so much about her, that she was _fine, dear, really, I’m happy to see you succeed…_

And, yeah, that was nice and all, he was glad he was making her proud but…there should also be more, right?

He never quite understood what ‘more’ could be. It’s not like his mom was interested in Pokémon battling, or winning leagues and becoming a champion, which was the only motivation he’d ever known.

Until he met Goh. That is.

Until Goh and him _became,_ and suddenly it was like this entire universe of previously hidden magic was opened.

A couple of years down the line, he couldn’t help but wonder if maybe his mother wanted that, too. Someone to share the road with, you know, metaphorically…or literally, like it was his and Goh’s case.

She’d never talked about it, though. At least not to him.

Maybe that, too, was something she confided in Professor Oak.

They were such good friends, after all.

Ugh, he was doing it again, getting ahead of himself, and making up ideas that _could be wrong._

Then again, it was hard not to, when they truly seemed to be so close, Professor Oak easily finding his way around their house, helping her set-up for dinner.

The naturally with which he moved, it’s almost as if he was here all the time…

“I can definitely hook you up with a buddy of mine, he lives in Tangelo Island, knows a lot of about the area…” Ash is vaguely aware of the topic Gary and Goh had been discussing before he completely zoned out. And he is most grateful his partner has taken over the conversation, not bothering to include him at all.

They’re lounged in the living-room, sipping hot-cocoa before dinner (which Ash is pretty sure they wouldn’t have gotten away with, if it weren’t because his mother indulges Goh’s sweet-tooth _far too much)._

He’d offered to help with dinner, but Delia had swiftly ushered them away, sending him to catch up with his friends instead.

Even though his _‘friends’_ was just Gary, and he was more interested in talking with Goh than he’d _ever_ been in talking to Ash.

It didn’t matter. He loved listening to Goh talk, too.

Warm, chocolate-foam mustache Goh, thighs touching where they’re sitting next to each other on the couch.

Goh, who is leaning forward to see something Gary is showing them on his phone.

“Oh, this would definitely help,” Muses the blue-eyed man, and Ash feels like he should be paying more attention, “Don’t you think?”

It still takes a second for his brain to register that the question is being directed at _him._ But when it clicks, he quickly decides to nod in agreement, though he’s still not sure of what the hell they’re talking about.

“Sure,” He replies, distractedly, “help with what?”

Gary scoffs, unamused.

Goh only rolls his eyes at him, affectionately, “For the Orange Islands part of the list, Gary’s friend works at a lab in that region. He can help us get around Tangelo and Milan Islands.” He’s explaining it with far more patience than he usually would, and Ash has an inkling that Goh may be coddling him a bit.

He nods again, more in-topic, “That’s, uh, great, yeah, it’s been impossible to get around those,” He comments, “We will probably need to spend a season there, if we want to tackle the list.”

Goh makes a grimace at the suggestion, “That would be _weeks_ on the road,” He complains.

“Yeah? You love being on the road,” Argues the trainer, frowning.

He gets a shrug in response, “I guess I’ve just grown kind of used to our place, it’d feel weird to be away for so long…”

It’s part of the job, Ash wants to say, it literally came in the description, the flexibility to move across regions with ease. And he knows they both love to travel, love the thrill of the adventure.

Gary beats him to the next comment, and it is, of course, _impossibly annoying -_

 _“_ I don’t know how you do it, man, living with Ashy-boy here, must be disastrous…”

“Don’t call me that,” Grumbles the trainer, eyes rolling far back in his head, “Besides, I’m an _excellent_ roommate. Goh, tell him,” Prompts the trainer, swatting a hand to Goh’s shoulder.

“Yes, yes, you’re an… _excellent_ roommate,” Placates Goh, hand patting Ash’s thigh, then he looks at Gary with a complicit smile on his lips, “it can be disastrous at times, but we’ve mostly gotten the hang of it, I think.”

Gary doesn’t try to stiffen his laughter, and Ash looks mildly offended, but Goh knows enough about these two, and has grown practically immune to their shenanigans.

 _“You’re disastrous,”_ murmurs Ash, childishly, and Goh chuckles, the hand on the trainer’s thigh squeezing briefly.

The truth is, Ash _is_ an excellent roommate - for the most part. Sure, he leaves his stuff laying around everywhere, only to complain of having lost it later, and he can’t be trusted in the kitchen by himself, so Goh is always the one on meal duty. He also forgets his keys often, and Goh isn’t too happy at being pulled out of bed at stupidly early morning hours when the trainer comes back from his runs, to realize he’s - once again - forgotten the key to the apartment.

But he’s not terrible at keeping their place decent, their plants alive, and their Pokémon fed, not to mention he’s always bringing trinkets and stuff to make it feel more like a home, and not just some place they’re renting in the meantime.

It’s _theirs._ And Goh loves that.

Besides, Ash is a wonderful research partner, the best friend ever, and the greatest boyfriend anyone could ask for. So Goh figures he can forgo most of his roommate related faults.

Gary tells them some more about his friend in the Orange Islands, and of some other things they should consider if they’re really making the long-trip over there.

It isn’t much later when Delia comes into the living room, cheerfully informing them that dinner is ready, and they’re welcome to join her and Professor Oak in the kitchen.

Just in time, thinks Goh, taking the last sip of his hot-chocolate.

Ash holds him by the wrist just as he’s getting up, Gary disappearing into the kitchen, chanting about how good the food smells.

“Help me tonight? With the…um, the _research?”_ He requests, nervously.

_Fuck._

“Of course” Nods the blue-eyed-man, over a shaky breath.

The trainer smiles in gratefulness, and Goh’s world crumbles.

He hadn’t said anything. Not in the morning in the lab, not that afternoon when they’d gone for ice-cream, nor when they’d returned to the house and tended to Delia’s veggie patch. They’d all been good opportunities, and yet, he hadn’t said anything.

It’s just that Ash had been so _happy._ He seemed to have finally relaxed, after all the turmoil he’d been in the night before and that morning. Goh didn’t want to ruin that, this was supposed to be a good time for them.

Also, he knew this would heave on Ash. And Goh was very serious on his ‘do not ever hurt Ash’ policy.

He’d vowed to _protect him._

At the moment, however, Goh didn’t know if his decision to not tell Ash had really been the best one, considering they were about to walk into a dinner in which the only person who _didn’t_ know about Delia and Professor Oak would be the trainer.

Oh, Arceus.

He’s fucked up, hasn’t he?

He should’ve told him, should’ve given him some time to prepare, now they would have to sit through dinner and -

He hears Ash chuckle, startling him, “Wait, you’ve got a little - come here,” He says, as he leans into Goh’s space.

Next thing he knows, Ash is running his tongue across his lips, and catching his top lip in between his own. Goh blushes, but kisses back, because he’s not an idiot.

It’s sweet, literally, both of their mouths tasting of the chocolate they’ve been drinking, and he makes sure to let the kiss linger a bit longer.

Savoring the moment.

Bracing himself for what might be about to come.

-0-

It starts out smoothly. Ash’s eyes only a little too suspicious at the scene of his mother and Professor Oak serving dinner. Goh elbows him in the ribs, silently telling him to _stop staring._

They really don’t look anything out of the ordinary. Goh notices there’s a bit of a rhythm going on, and the way they move around each other is very fluid, always conscious of the other’s presence.

Ash and him are the same way.

But that kind of synergy happens between _just friends_ , too. If they’ve known each other for a while.

Goh isn’t sure why he’s still trying to justify them as _just friends,_ when Gary had confirmed their suspicions already.

Maybe he wanted to see it for himself. Maybe a part of him did want them to be just friends.

That way it’d be all right. Ash wouldn’t be upset anymore. The would be nothing to be upset about.

For a while everything is good, they talk and laugh and Gary forces them to tell the ultra-wormhole story _again,_ making sure to tease Ash plenty for his _recklessness and utter disregard for safety._ Ash kicks him under the table, and Delia reprimands him for being rude to their guests, Ash protesting, saying how he didn’t recall _anyone inviting Gary._

It’s all very normal. And Goh almost believes they’ll get away with it. A peaceful Christmas Eve dinner.

Then it goes sideways.

The topic of plans for the next year comes up, and when Sam very casually mentions they’ll be visiting Fuchsia City in January, Delia adds that she’s excited to see one of her friends who lives there.

Ash connects the dots quickly. And doesn’t even think before the question is out of his mouth,

“You’re going together?”

His mother’s eyes widen immediately, and her smile is nervous when she replies, “Well - _yes,_ of course, it’s a long drive for one person.”

He isn’t buying it, Goh can tell by the way his eyes narrow just slightly, and he’s leaning forward in his chair.

Goh curses internally, because this is the way Ash acts when he’s about to challenge something.

“Aren’t you going, Gary?” Asks the trainer next.

“Someone has to run the lab,” Responds the other man, cooly, taking another sip of his mulled wine.

Ash hums, but doesn’t relent, “You didn’t tell me about this trip,” he says to his mom. Whose nervous smile has become a little incriminating.

“I didn’t? Oh, it must have escaped me…” But Delia is not the type to forget things, not really.

Siting next to her on the table, Professor Oak has gone very still.

“Mm, well, you’ll be close to Vermillion, maybe you can stop by for a day.” It’s a nice invitation, and Ash _did_ say how he wanted to see his mother more this upcoming year, that meant making the best of every opportunity.

“Oh, dear, of course I’d love to visit you boys, but I don’t know if Sam here will have the time…”

“Absolutely!” Replies the professor, with a tad more candor than necessary, startling Delia with the volume, “You’re always saying how you miss Ash so much, I wouldn’t want you to miss out on a chance to see him,” He continues, smiling kindly at her “We can absolutely take a day to visit Vermillion.”

Goh’s heart warms at the words, because that’s very considerate, and Professor Oak’s eyes are positively _shining_ when he looks at Delia.

Ash doesn’t miss it, either. But his reaction isn’t as placid as Goh’s.

They’re lying to him.

It clicks now, what’s going on between them, it’s almost painfully obvious, and Ash can’t believe it has taken him so long to piece it together.

The way they moved around each other in the kitchen, how his mom hadn’t bothered asking Professor Oak for what he wanted on his plate, and had just gone ahead and filled it with what _she knew_ he would like.

And the _Sam,_ that fell off her mouth so easily, over and over, with that bit of a kick to it that Ash couldn’t quite pinpoint, but he knew was there, knew there was something to the name, how she seemed to enjoy calling for him.

Oh, and the Professor wasn’t any better.

Professor Oak’s heart-eyes to his mother? He knows those too well. Going out of his way to please her, saying how it’s no problem to take an extra day to visit him? He knows about that, too.

Ash is in love himself, and he can see it when two people care for each other like that.

Well, he can _now._

But then, that means - it means there _is_ something going on, it means their suspicions had been right.

It makes him mad how they seem to be so at ease when they’re lying to his face, how they act as if there was nothing going on.

It means his mom, the person he holds above all the others and trusts to the ends of this Earth, has lied to him.

 _She is_ lying to him, right now.

Professor Oak as well.

And that infuriates him.

“It’s decided, then,” Says the trainer, clasping his hands together, forced smile playing on his lips, “You haven’t been to our place yet, right, Professor?” Sam shakes his head, attempting a sentence, but Ash continues, “It’s super close to the lab! like, we can walk there every day, and there’s some great restaurants down the street, we could take you there, or Goh could cook! He’s really good at that now…”

“Um, Ash…” Tries Goh, trying to stop the rant, feeling his partner get increasingly tense next to him.

It’s no use, “And you should see all of our Pokémon at the lab! Goh has captured so many new ones this year! It’s really great. How many are there now, huh, Goh? Like three-hundred-and-seventy-something…?”

“Eh, three-hundred-and-seventy-seven,” Replies the blue-eyed boy, almost on automatic, “But, Ash…”

“Three-hundred-and-seventy-seven, isn’t that amazing?”

“It certainly is, sweetie.” comments Delia, her voice is small, unsure of whether Ash was actually expecting a reply.

He is now going on and on about the new species at Cerise Park, and, other than Gary (who looks terribly amused) everyone else is getting worried at the trainer’s monologue, sensing the impending crash and burn of the raising tension.

Goh tries again, a hesitant hand finding its place on the trainer’s thigh, he squeezes once, briefly, grounding.

Ash does pause momentarily, only to turn his gaze on Goh for a second, brown eyes frantic, Goh’s own blue-ones confused, unsure on how to help him.

He really should’ve said something.

Delia takes advantage of his split-second distraction, and tries to re-direct the conversation,

“Ash, dear, we’ll love to come visit you both next month, if we have the chance. And we’ll visit Professor Cerise in February, too, so we will definitely see you soon,” She offers.

Goh isn’t sure that was the best thing to say, though.

“Yeah. You two travel together a lot, don’t you?” He asks. It sounds almost accusing. Almost rude.

And Ash is never rude to his mother.

Delia frowns at the tone, and takes a more serious stance. In contrast, everyone else on the table crouches into their own space, as if wanting to disappear.

“Now, I don’t what you are suggesting, young man, but I do not like your attitude,” She warns.

Ash shrugs, but does seem somewhat placated, “I wasn’t suggesting anything. Unless - there is something you want to say? Something you’re hiding, maybe?”

“Ash!” She sounds hurt, and her eyes look close to tears.

Professor Oak calls the attention by an obvious clearing of his throat.

“It seems, Delia, that there is no point in delaying this any-more” He’s dead serious, and is looking at Ash sternly. Paternally, even, but it’s probably best not to see it that way. “Ash, this isn’t how we wanted to have this conversation, but…”

“So it’s true?” He interrupts, and that alone is so out of character for him that Goh has to turn and see him again, he’s taken aback by how… _bewildered_ Ash looks right now.

He can count in one hand the times he’s seen his boyfriend this upset, this out of himself.

“You’re together, aren’t you?” It’s definitely an accusation this time, bitter and hurt.

“Dear, we really wanted to tell you sooner, but - ”

“But _what?_ Is it because I wasn’t here? Because you could’ve always called,” There’s annoyance in his voice, but mostly he’s just angry at himself right now.

He feels so stupid. He should've known.

“Of course is not that, Ash!” Defends Delia, “It was just - it wasn’t the right time, and we didn’t know when - ”

Yeah. _When?_

_How long?_

“How long?” He interrupts again.

Goh gulps, because he knows _this_ will be the hardest blow, “It’s gotta be a at least a few months, right?” His voice breaks at the end, betraying him.

Just as well, betrayal is exactly what he feels right now.

Delia’s eyes close forcefully, in a gesture Goh recognizes in Ash.

_She’d rather not be doing this, right now._

But Sam is right, there’s really no point in delaying it any-more.

She takes a deep breath before replying, voice pained and small “About - About two years, but Ash, honey…”

The trainer’s booming exclamation of ‘ _Two years?!’_ Resonates through the entire house, everything and everyone around going quiet at once.

Goh’s eyes close as well at the shout, too loud even for him, and he feels more than he sees Ash getting up from the table, his chair flying back, hands smacking on the surface.

Goh doesn’t need to see him to know he’s close to tears, and when his eyes open again he’s met with Delia, who’s tears are falling freely, her eyes locked with her son’s, who is positively shaking now.

Then he nods, once, still looking at his mother, before turning around and leaving the room.

Pikachu follows on automatic.

Goh doesn’t try.

The front-door slams.

Gary breathes out.

Professor Oak sighs.

And, to everyone’s surprise, Delia laughs.

It’s dry, and she’s still crying, but it’s sincere enough that it considerably lightens (and confuses) the air in the room.

“Well, that could’ve gone better,” She eventually says. How there is humor in her tone right now, Goh will never understand.

Professor Oak turns to her, giving her a sympathetic smile, and offering a handkerchief from his pocket.

She accepts it graciously, and Goh feels momentarily annoyed at Ash for missing out on this moment, for not seeing just how kind they are together.

“Goh, sweetie, are you all right?” She asks, her voice filled with concern.

Is _he_ okay? Was she seriously asking him that?

This woman is a _saint._

“I - yeah, _yes,_ I’m - I’m _so sorry,”_ He finally croaks, bowing his head in apology.

Delia laughs _again,_ and Goh doesn’t understand anything anymore.

“Oh, dear, no, no, this wasn’t your fault. Please,” She soothes, “Ash would have reacted no matter what, it’s just a shame it happened in the middle of dinner,” she laments, and even Goh feels like laughing now, because the cold meal in front of him is the very least of his concerns. “But you don’t seem so surprised?” She questions.

Oh, shit, he’s caught.

Impersonating a gaping Magikarp for a solid second, he finally resolves on turning his gaze up and to Gary, who has remained fortunately quiet for the last ten minutes, content with watching the train-wreck unfold.

Delia nods in understanding, but Professor Oak frowns in his grandson’s direction.

“You told them?” He asks. Gary is quick to jump in self-defense.

“Only Goh! Ash wasn’t there,” He explains, but the Professor tuts disapprovingly either way.

“Oh, sweetie, and you had to keep it from Ash?” _Why is there so much sympathy in her voice?_

Goh already feels like the worst person in the world, but hearing it out-loud, from Delia, it’s just plain-out humiliating.

“I didn’t know - I didn’t _want_ to lie to him, but I felt it wasn’t my place to say, and I just - I’m so sorry,” He repeats, defeated, and embarrassed. And still _so_ confused.

“That must’ve been hard, I know you boys don’t like keeping secrets.” They really don’t. They’re almost painfully honest with each other.

He’s fucked up, this time.

“But, Goh? I appreciate you not saying anything. On this instance, it should have come from me.” Yeah, Goh agrees. But he doesn’t feel any better at hearing he’d done the right thing.

“I think it’s great,” He blurts out, “I mean - you two, uh, it’s great, you’re so nice together” it’s so awkward, and this is such a mess, and Ash has wandered off to Arceus knows where, confused and upset and angry.

But, still, Delia and Professor Oak smile at his anxious words, and even Gary smirks from behind his apparently-bottomless glass of wine, and Goh can almost breath again.

“I’m sure Ash thinks so, too,” He grimaces at his own words, because the last ten minutes would definitely love to argue that statement, “He’s just…I don’t know _what_ he is, right now, but I’m sure he’ll come around,” He offers.

It must be the right thing to say, because Delia smiles at him, and nods a few times.

“I was almost hoping for some broken-plates, this wasn’t the worst, all things considered…” She trails off with a sigh, and it finally begins to sink for Goh that she’s been worrying about this very moment for _years_ now, probably ever since her relationship had begun.

He feels a pang of sadness at that, thinking of how hard it must have been. He knows Ash means the world to her, and keeping something like this, for some many years - that she _knew_ he’d react negatively…

Goh briefly wonders if a heart can break by proxy, his certainly feels like it is.

For the both of them.

“I should probably go find him,” He thinks suddenly, mostly to himself.

“It may be best to give him some time, to cool off,” Suggest Professor Oak.

He hadn’t really said much, but Goh can tell he’s hurt, too.

Which is only fair, he’s known Ash since he was an infant, and this must feel like a rejection for him.

He feels annoyed at Ash again. And maybe he should cool off a little as well.

“Or maybe is best if you talk to him first?” He says to Delia, who shakes her head at the idea.

“No, no. I’m sure he’d rather see you right now.”

Ash probably forgot to grab his coat on the way out, and now he’s out there, cold, and upset, and stupid.

And Goh can’t wait until he cools off, or whatever. He needs to find him now, and hug him, and remind him that he’s not alone, and that this will work out, of course it will, it’ll be just fine.

“I need to - ” He’s already standing up from his seat, and both Delia and Professor Oak nod their understanding, “we’ll be back,” He adds, unnecessarily.

“Take your time,” Says Delia, and Goh really wants to hug her and comfort her, too.

But that’s probably something Professor Oak can do better than him. And he needs to find his own Ketchum family member right now.

He nods for Cinderace to follow him, the fire-hare complying immediately. Ash hadn’t even taken his hat, notices Goh, as he grabs both of their coats on his way out, the December air unforgiving even this south of the region.

He has a good idea of where Ash might have gone, it’s not a place the trainer himself visited much, but it was one of Goh’s own favorites when he’d lived there, and he’d often call him from a particular spot atop of a hill in the afternoons he could take off. He’d sent Ash plenty of sunset pictures from there, often captioning them with a cheesy _wish you were here._

Pallet was a small-town anyways, even if he wasn’t there, it shouldn’t take Goh more than a half hour to find him.

On his way to the meadow, he briefly entertains himself with the memory of when they’d told Delia of their relationship.

Goh had been worried that she’d be upset, had maybe hoped for Ash to be with someone else (with a _girl, for instance)._ He knew Delia liked him, but it was very different to be one’s son’s best-friend than one’s son’s _boyfriend (and didn’t Ash have a lot of girl-friends? Why couldn’t he just fall for one of them instead?)_

Ash had pretty much waved-off his worry, reassuring him that she’d be nothing but happy to hear the news, but Goh could tell he was nervous as well, had been so since the moment they arrived to Pallet that weekend.

Wow, it must’ve been four years and some weeks since then. It’d been close to Christmas as well, right before Goh’s sixteen birthday, and it would be the last time he and Ash would be together before parting ways for _months._

Goh had plenty of reasons to dread that visit to Pallet-town, and still, somehow, Delia had managed to make it wonderful. She’d hugged them tightly when Ash finally stammered through a disclosure of their new relationship, saying how excited she was for them, and calling them _brave, so brave, my boys, I know you two will be wonderful._

And, why, exactly, couldn’t Ash be just as supportive of his mother’s relationship?

He knew it wasn’t the same situation, he knew Ash had a lot of baggage, on his father, and his childhood with his mom - but he couldn’t help but wish he’d been a bit more understanding.

He’s still thinking about this when he sees the distinctive shadow of who can only be his boyfriend, back resting against the large tree at the top of the hill.

During the day, that hill faces the coast’s mountains, and if it’s clear enough, it’s possible to see the sun glistening over the ocean, it’s a thin line, but beautiful in the afternoons.

It was one of Goh’s favorite places in Pallet-town. The meadow below perfect for catching and playing with his Pokémon.

Right now it’s just cold, and dark, the night almost gloomy, which is a bit too ironic for Goh’s liking.

He walks up to Ash, and something in him shifts at the sight of his impossibly sad partner, just sitting on the ground, looking at the star filled sky, brown-eyes shining from the tears.

Pikachu is cuddled on his lap, one of Ash’s hands absently petting between its ears, the other one playing with the tags at the end of the chain Goh’d given him about a month ago, as an anniversary present.

All of his annoyance evaporates, and he only feels an overwhelming need to _protect,_ take away any and every worry Ash is feeling right now.

“May I sit with you?” Is what he asks, quietly.

Ash hardly looks up, and isn’t at all surprised with his sudden presence.

“Only if you hold me,” Replies the trainer, voice unreadable.

Goh manages a sad smile, “can be arranged,” He mutters.

He hands him the coat first, which Ash throws on at once, almost on the brink of shaking again, this time from the cold.

Goh re-accommodates them completely, so it is him the one with his back to the tree, and Ash’s back is resting to his chest instead, his legs on either side of the trainer’s body, arms hugging his waist.

Pikachu demands a few pets from Goh, and then jumps off completely from its trainer, joining Cinderace on an exploration of the perimeter.

Almost as an afterthought, Goh asks them to stay close-by.

He rests his head on Ash’s shoulder, and drops soft, comforting kisses to the available skin of his neck, his jaw, and the side of his face.

They don’t say anything for a while, Goh waiting for Ash to break the silence, if he wants to, but he hadn’t come to pressure him.

He just wanted to be close to him.

For his part, Ash lets Goh tend to him, and takes in the affections with quiet appreciation.

He’s drained. Upset, but tired of being so. Tired of feeling sad, and not understanding exactly why. Tired of crying, of being angry.

Amidst all of it, though, he feels like he’s finally found the words,

“You know what’s the last memory I have of my dad?” It’s such a painful thing to say, such a sorrowful thing to even _think_ about.

Goh says nothing, and chooses to shake his head softly, chin rubbing the shoulder it’s resting on.

“He said: _’I’ll see you soon, take care of mom while I’m gone’_ \- And he…he _knew_ I’d never see him again. But he said that anyways? Why would he - ” He chokes on the words, and a fresh wave of tears fall from his eyes.

Goh remains quiet, but tightens his hold around Ash’s middle.

Ash sniffs a few times, and continues - “And I’ve always - I was _five,_ but I still promised, you know, I promised him I’d take care of her, and I’ve always tried to make good on that promise.”

“You _have,”_ Defends Goh, fiercely. He hates it when Ash doubts himself, when he blinds himself to his own braveness.

“I’ve been away for so long,” Continues the trainer “I’ve been gone for _years,_ Goh. And I’m a dumb, nineteen year old _child._ Of course mom would rather trust someone who - someone who can really take care of her.”

“You don’t believe that” Fights Goh, refusing to believe it himself.

The trainer only shrugs, too tired to even argue.

Goh heaves a sigh, but soldiers on.

“First of all, you are not a child. You’re young, yes, but I think you’ve been through enough all these years not to think of yourself as some childish boy, all right?” Ash blinks, but says nothing else, “Second, you mother lives off the air you breath, so, _please,_ for the love of everything, do not ever say again, do not even _think_ that she doesn’t trust you, or doesn’t care about your relationship, you - you should’ve seen her” It’s not an image Goh will be able to shake any time soon. “She was _so sad_ after you left. She’s been worrying over how you’d react to this for _years now,_ you know how hard that must have been for her?”

“Oh, that’s definitely helping me feel better, thanks,” Spats the trainer, sarcastically, attempting to break away from Goh’s hold.

But the researchers doesn’t yield, he tightens his arms again, and Ash is reminded of just how strong he really is, Goh’s slenderer frame not to be mistaken for weakness.

Goh continues, his words pulling the fight out of Ash “She didn’t tell you, because she _knew_ you’d act out, exactly like you did. And she probably worried about all the things you’re worrying about right now. And that - that is _so unfair_ , for the two of you to be carrying that weight on your shoulders.”

That’s really it, isn’t it? Goh’s gotten it right once again.

This is all about the promises they’re both trying to keep.

The ones they have broken.

Ash gulps, and deflates again, resting heavily against Goh, he turns into the hold this time, his face burying into his boyfriend’s chest.

“I feel like I failed him,” He admits, his voice small and weak.

Goh’s heart breaks for the hundred time that night at the quiet sobs coming from the trainer, but he refuses to crumble.

“You haven’t,” Assures Goh. Of that much he is sure.

He knows so little about Ash’s father as it is, has seen a grand total of two pictures of the man, one that the trainer carries in his wallet of his entire little family, when he was but a toddler. The other he’d found in an old, dust-filled album he’d rummaged through once, when Delia used to invite him for tea in his breaks from the lab.

The man is practically a stranger to him, and Ash’s broken recollections have always been so sad and filled with nostalgia that Goh never feels like prodding at them, only taking as much as Ash is willing to share.

He wishes he knew more about him now, though. Wishes he could answer all the question he knows Ash has about him as well. That he could give him some closure to this lifelong question mark.

Ash quiets down again, the topic of his father always making him turn pensive.

Some minutes go by before he speaks again, and the only sounds are those of the night, and Cinderace protesting Pikachu’s clinging to its ears.

“I guess - I thought it would be enough, you know?” He says next, “Just mom and I, that it didn’t have to change. That way, when he returned, things would be the same, things would be all right, because we’d all be together again…”

“Ash - ”

“But he’s not coming back, is he?” It’s not really a question, and even though he’ll never stop wondering _why,_ he’s almost made his peace with the fact, after so many years.

Goh is right, it’s unfair, these empty promises they keep living up to, when they’re keeping them away from being happy, and enjoying what is happening right in front of them.

The irony slaps him in the face, and snaps him back to the real world.

His father is a faded memory at best, and the few things he remembers from him are the memories created by an impressionable five-year-old.

His father hadn’t been there the day he sought out on his journey, when he’d first met Pikachu. Hadn’t been there on his first league, or any of his other major tournaments over the years. Hadn’t been there when he became a champion.

His father hadn’t listened to him stammer through an awkward _Goh-and-I-are-together-now-and-I’m-not-sure-how-to-tell-mom_ speech, embarrassed and terrified that the man he was telling this to would react negatively to the confession. His father had not been the one to advise him to _just be honest_ , and trust that his mom loved him _so much, she would never be upset over that_ , on the contrary, she’d be happy for them.

His father hadn’t clasped a hand to his shoulder and said _‘just as happy as I am right now, son. Thank you for trusting me.’_

Perhaps his father would have been just as understanding, but Ash would never know now, for his father hadn’t been there.

Professor Oak, on the other hand…

“I’ve upset Professor Oak as well, haven’t I?” He asks, frowning at his own behavior.

Goh grimaces at the question, and is only a little relieved Ash’s face is buried in his chest at the moment.

“A little, yeah,” Confirms Goh, “But mostly they were just worried,” 

Long fingers begin twisting the raven strands, and he feels Ash relax minutely at his ministrations.

This is one of his oldest tricks, but four years (and some weeks) later, he’s happy to see it’s still just as effective in mellowing Ash down.

“I’m sorry,” He hears him say, somewhat muffled by Goh’s sweater.

“I know. But It’s not me you should apologize with.”

“I know,” Parrots Ash, pouting now, “I thought this was about something changing, you know? I thought I just didn’t want for things to be different here, because I like them so much the way they are. But stuff is always changing, I mean, you lived here, and that was different from the way I knew it, and I didn’t mind that, I _liked_ that,” Goh stays quiet and nods, knowing there is more to come, knowing Ash was finally wording his thought process, “And you and Gary being friends, I didn’t hate that either…well, only a little,” Despite it all, they both chuckle, and it feels _good,_ almost liberating, “And my mom traveling more, I don’t mind that, I _love_ that, I love that she’s going out more, and exploring the world, too, like we do, I think that’s great! And I think it’s awesome that she has someone to share that with, I’ve _wanted_ for her to have someone. After I got you, I - ” he frowns, momentarily caught, and Goh replies by kissing the crease line, easing it, “… I wanted her to be as happy as I am.” he completes, his eyes darting up to meet Goh’s for the first time since dinner.

The younger boy nods his understanding, and accepts the kiss Ash gives him.

It’s comforting, like most of them have been these last two days.

It also feels sad, like the ones they’d shared close to every goodbye. This is the last of Ash’s angst, and there is something intimate in the way he chooses to share it with Goh, as if asking him to partially take on the burden.

Goh accepts it, of course.

If he can take the sugar-filled kisses over cocoa, and the hot panting into each other’s mouths when they make love, he’ll most definitely take this sorrow-filled press of lips.

He’s here for all of it.

Always.

Ash doesn’t break the eye contact when he leans back, and continues, “I figured that I don’t really care for things changing here, too. I just didn’t want for them to change without me, and I guess I just hadn’t realized they already have,” Goh nods again, and Ash lets out a low-whistle, _almost_ amused, “I mean, _two years,_ and they never said anything! I gotta admit, that’s probably what pissed me off the most.” He doesn’t sound angry anymore, but Goh can sense he’s still somewhat upset about it.

He’s got his own confession to make.

“Ash, I - I sort of…please don’t be mad,” He begs, and Ash’s expression turns confused, on top of everything else, “I meant to tell you, but you had been so upset, and I didn’t want to make it worse and…”

“Goh, just spit it out already,” Interrupts Ash, getting nervous with the stammering.

The blue-eyed man takes in a breath, and releases his confession on a string.

“I sort of already knew? I found out today! Gary told me in the morning and I - I couldn’t - I _wanted to_ tell you _,_ but it just felt like it wasn’t my place to say, and I didn’t want to keep it from you, but I really thought it should be your mom - and you know I _hate_ the idea of lying to you, but I also didn’t want to hurt you and I knew how upset you were already and - ”

Ash kisses him again, placating this time, the type of kiss they’re used to exchanging whenever the other (mostly Ash) is rambling.

It’s effective enough that the trainer gets to speak again, “Hey, hey, it’s all right, I understand,” He soothes.

“I’m sorry I didn’t say anything, I should’ve - _prepared you,_ somehow…”

Ash shakes his head, sympathetic, “It was a tough position for you.”

And he can see now, how it must have been _impossible_ for his mother. If Goh is this distressed over keeping quiet for a couple of hours, he can’t begin to think how his mom must have felt, hiding it for years.

All this time, he was under the (perhaps foolish) assumption that he and his mother were friends, that they had each other’s backs, and trusted one another.

He thought his mother would _know_ she could trust him back, much like Ash had always trusted her with every major turn in his life.

But, evidently, that wasn’t the case. And more and anger or betrayal, he felt hurt, and disappointment in himself, for not being good enough a son that his mother could trust him.

“For what it’s worth, I was angry, too, when I realized they’d been hiding it for so long,” Offers Goh.

Ash frowns again, lips pursing out in a frustrated pout, “That’s what I can’t quite figure out. Why do you think they didn’t tell me sooner? I mean, I just… _two years,_ Goh, it’s _serious,_ it’s half the time you and I have been together!” He exclaims, heatedly, “Can you imagine being together that long, and _not_ telling our parents?”

Goh almost chuckles, It’s categorically different, of course, but, if it were the case…

“No, I couldn’t imagine,” he replies, sincerely.

Mostly because he can’t imagine Ash being able to keep a secret for that long. But also because he’s never been one to lie to his parents. Busy and somewhat distant as they are, he knows they love him, and he’s always felt like he can tell them everything.

He knows the same goes for Ash and Delia. Present situation aside.

“Why didn’t she trust me?” Of all the things he’s said that night, all the hurtful thought and overwhelming feelings, this is the line that summarizes everything the best.

_Why hadn’t she trusted him?_

Goh doesn’t have the answer, of course. Only his mother does.

In lieu of a reply, the researcher kisses the crown of his head a couple of times, before hugging him impossibly closer.

Once again, Ash desperately wishes he could just stay into this bubble forever, and keep the anguish at bay.

But he can’t, can he?

“It doesn’t mean you have to deal with it alone,” Whispers Goh, when Ash voices his thought out-loud.

“I know,” whispers back the trainer, “Thank you.”

Goh smiles, even though Ash still can’t see him, and, much like the night before, spends a good time comforting the pining man in his arms. Pikachu and Cinderace join as well, their charades making Ash chuckle lightly, which in turn helps Goh breath a little easier.

-0-

Two hours go by before they return to the house, it’s already close to midnight, but the lights in the living room are still on.

Ash stops Goh before they cross the fence.

“I need…”

“I know.” Cuts the researcher, nodding his understanding.

There is no one but Mr. Mime in the living room, who is dusting his flute collection. It gives them a curious look before releasing a sigh, pointing a hand upstairs.

Professor Oak and Gary have most definitely left by now, and when they sneak into the kitchen to get some water, they find it completely pristine, as if dinner never happened at all.

If only.

“I’ll be in your room,” Says Goh, nodding for their Pokémon to follow.

“Get some rest,” Pleads Ash.

This has been a hell of a night for everyone, all at his behavior’s expense, and an ebbing of guilt has begun forming at his core, the soon-to-happen conversation with his mother not helping his nerves.

Goh raises an eyebrow at the suggestion, “Not a chance. And don’t you _dare_ blame yourself about any of this,” He warns, instantly killing the reply Ash was about to attempt.

He feels Goh’s lips at his forehead, warm against his outdoors chilled skin, “It’ll be all right.” He promises.

Ash believes him.

-0-

He doesn’t knock, because his mom probably heard them arrive, but also because he is terrified of this exchange, and wants to delay it almost as much as he wants to have it.

But Ash Ketchum doesn’t back away, not even when scared. That’s not the boy his mother raised.

“Mama?” He tries. His voice a little hoarse from all the crying.

“Oh, darling, there you are,” She says. Her tone is calm, but it lacks the usual cheer he knows and loves so much, “Come here, sit with me,” she requests, patting the space next to her on the bed.

Clad in her pajamas, and with her hair down, Ash feels as though he’s six years old again, and sneaking into her room after a bad dream, or a loud thunderstorm.

There’s a photo-album to her other side, and Ash recognizes it as the one that holds pictures of his childhood.

His dad is in some of them, but for the most part is just his mom, him, and Mr. Mime.

And Professor Oak, because some pictures were taken around the time they began to visit the lab more often, when his love for Pokémon started to surface, and he wanted to spend every waking moment surrounded by them.

Professor Oak had always encouraged his passions. Much like his mother had.

_Arceus. What had he done._

“I’m so sorry, mama,” He begins. It feels like a safe place to start.

But Delia shakes her head, and motions him to keep quiet with a finger to her lips.

“I was going through these,” She says, pointing to the album, “And I can’t quite believe - that you’ve grown so much,” her voice breaks a little, along with Ash’s heart, “You’re not a baby anymore, are you?”

Ash shakes his head. _But I’m still your son,_ he wants to say, _I still need you._

 _“_ But I feel as though I must protect you, even now. Like I should keep you from all harm. And I know that’s so silly of me, I mean, you’ve been on so many adventures! I know you can take care of yourself, of course. But I - well, what good is a mother, if she can’t look after her son?”

“Mama - ”

“And now I’m the one who has hurt you, and - ” She cuts herself, right as the tears begin to fall.

Ash can’t stand it, so he does the only thing he knows that helps him feel better when he’s crying. The thing she would do every time he was upset as a child. What Goh does every time he is upset these days.

He holds her. And only then does he notice just how tiny she actually is, how fragile and delicate she feels enveloped in his arms.

He, too, realizes just how much he’s grown.

He will never be a six-year old again, sneaking into her bed for comfort during a storm. He will never even be eleven again, and stay with her in this old house for weeks at a time, readying for his next adventure.

He’s nineteen. He’s taller than her, stronger than her, can easily lift her in his arms and shield her from the world. He’s _nineteen,_ grown, and living life pretty much on his own already. Has seen enough of what’s out there to tell right from wrong.

He’s nineteen, and, for the first time in his life, is of age and strong enough to make good on the promise he made to his father as a child.

And yet, he’s failed.

“I’m so sorry, mama,” He repeats, his head over hers, her quiet sobs almost making him cry as well, “I’m sorry about storming out, and for accusing you, and for being rude, and for making you worry, and for being a terrible son, and for…”

Her giggle interrupts him, and, while it’s fantastic to hear it, it also confuses the hell out of him.

“I get it, sweetie,” She says, leaning back so she can see him again. She takes one of his hands on both of hers, and looks up with teary brown eyes,“And you are _not_ a terrible son, please, never think that.” She refutes, tone definitive. “It truly is my fault, this whole mess. I should have told you sooner…”

“Why didn’t you?” He asks, and he doesn’t mean it to sound accusing again, but it comes out a little bitter anyways.

Delia’s lips purse before she replies, and she frowns. The reason why feels so inane right now, “It was never the right moment.” she finally says.

Ash scoffs, somewhat annoyedly, and his mother gives him a pointed gaze, “Don’t get smart on me, young man,” She tuts, and he has the decency to look down, sheepish, “Sam and I… it happened right about the time you were leaving for the Island and - that last visit you made was so short. We meant to tell you then, but you were so anxious already, I didn’t - I couldn’t find the moment, it just felt like it would’ve been a disaster.”

“Because tonight went so well?” Despite it all, they both chuckle at the sarcasm. Is dry, but at least no-one is crying anymore, “But why didn’t you tell me? After that, I mean. I’ve been back from the Island for almost a year now.”

Is Delia’s turn to cast her eyes down, “You were always so busy. And I know that is a poor excuse, but it’s the truth! There was the moving to Vermillion, and then you jumped straight into that mystery list of yours and, and you’ve had such a great year, now that you and Goh are back together, doing all this great work. I just - I didn’t know how you would react to this and, well, to be honest, a part of me was really scared you would be upset about it. I didn’t want to hurt you like that,” she shakes her head, disappointed, “That seems to have backfired, of course.”

“It’s not - Mama, I don’t have a problem with you and Professor Oak being together.” He clarifies.

And, truly, he doesn’t. Not anymore. Not in the way he thought he would.

It is still somewhat of an awkward thought, but, at the same time, he realizes it’s not really all that different from what he already knows, because Professor Oak has always been there for him and for his mom. And that hasn’t changed.

Professor Oak has always looked after this little, broken family. And that hasn’t changed, either.

If anything, his bond to them has only strengthened.

He can’t imagine being upset at the idea of a person he admires so much becoming part of his family.

The thing that surprises him the most is that, when he tries to picture Professor Oak as part of his family, he doesn’t have to put much thought into it, because the man _already feels_ like family.

So, even when things are different, they are different _better._ And that makes it all right again.

He tries to explain that to his mom, and, whilst she’s giggling out loud by the end of his speech (which is not necessarily what he’d been hoping for), he thinks the message has mostly gone through.

“I was mad because you didn’t tell me. I couldn’t believe you’d lied to me,” He confesses.

“Oh, baby, it _killed me,_ going behind your back like that, but I thought I was protecting you,” She shakes her head again, she knows better now, “It was a mistake, an awful one.” There’s genuine remorse in her voice, and Ash easily believes her.

He forgives her, too, of course. Her reasons had been noble, although misplaced. Either way, Ash couldn’t have stayed mad a her for long.

“I’m sorry for making you feel like you couldn’t trust me,” He mutters, some of the previous sadness filtering on his tone.

But mostly he just wants to get that out of his system, because it’s the one thing that’s been eating him alive the entire night.

And it’s Delia’s turn to wrap her arms around him, saying how it wasn’t his fault, how none of this reflected on him, at all, because _of course I trust you, Ash, you’re my son. I trust you more than anyone in this world._

She comforts him a little longer, assuring him that the secrets are over now, apologizing again for her mistake.

Then, she thinks of a promise.

She doesn’t make many of those these days, but she knows this is one they will both be able to keep.

She trusts Ash, after all.

“You and Goh don’t lie to each other, right?” She asks, though she knows the answer.

Ash shakes his head, frowning at the mere idea of such a thing, “Never - _well…_ sometimes I eat the last of his favorite candy, and I blame it on Cinderace, but that doesn’t count!” He defends, “Besides, I always run to the store and get more, so it’s fine!”

Much to his relief, Delia giggles again. It’s become easier to breathe in this room already. He likes that.

“All right, let’s say that doesn’t count,” She allows, “Why do you think that is?”

Easy. “I love Goh” He shrugs, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. Goh loves him back, so there is no need to lie, ever, not even when the truths are hard.

Delia smiles at his words, “Exactly. So, I promise you that, from now on, I will tell you the truth, always, even when it’s hard.” The trainer’s eyes widen in understanding, and he nods a few times.

It’s quiet for a minute, but then Ash smiles softly, much like his mother still is at the moment, and he utters the words he knows will make everything all right again.

“I love you, too.”

The next wave of tears from his mom he can live with, for they are happy tears. And the next tight hug that nearly-cuts-the-air-out-of-him he receives honorably, turning only _a little_ blue.

-0-

A while later, when he finally makes the short walk across the hall to his room, Ash finds Goh and Pikachu playing checkers on the futon.

Cinderace is sulking in the yellow beanbag, indignant expression on its face, and Ash makes sure to tiptoe carefully around him.

“How’s the score?” He asks, nodding towards board.

“New game,” Replies Goh, making his move, “Cinderace threw a tantrum when Pikachu beat him, so we’re not letting him play anymore.”

The fire hare huffs in annoyance from its side of the room, no doubt quietly planning revenge for this completely unfair turn of events.

Ash stiffens his laughter at the display, because he would very much like to live to see Christmas morning.

“Right there, buddy,” He says to Pikachu, pointing a move that will give the little mouse an edge over Goh.

“Ah, that’s cheating,” Declares the blue-eyed man, solemn expression on his face, “He’s disqualified now.”

Pikachu is quick to protest the decision, while Ash calls him out, “You wouldn’t be saying that if you were winning,” He teases, as he takes Pikachu in his arms, sitting on the space it’d been occupying in the futon, “Your turn,” he prompts.

Goh narrows his eyes instead.

“I’m not playing with cheaters,” complains the researcher, expression not much different from that of Cinderace’s moments ago.

Ash laughs, open and candid, and the silent worry Goh has been feeling begins to disappear, because it’s all right. He can tell it’s finally all right.

Goh looks adorable, thinks Ash, bedclothes on, distracted and entertained by his games with the Pokémon. Still, his eyes are tired, and Ash knows he hasn’t stopped worrying over him probably since the night before.

He must be as exhausted as Ash is, if not more. Trying to look after him, and putting up with his moodiness, all without complain, doing his uttermost to comfort his anguish.

He’s too good to be real. He’s too good to be _his._ But this isn’t something Ash dwells about anymore, because the promise of belonging has been made, and there’s a clear statement to it resting low on his chest.

Right now, Ash just wants to enjoy that privilege a little.

“Come ‘ere,” Calls the champion, catching and pulling at the hand in which Goh is holding his red piece.

The blue-eyed man tries to stop him, but Ash is fast and strong, and the moment’s hesitation gives the trainer a chance to overpower him.

The game pieces fly everywhere, lading across the futon and on the floor, the game-board itself tossed unceremoniously to the side.

Pikachu narrowly makes the escape from what would have surely been a devastating crush, running all the way to Cinderace, who, still mad at everyone in the room, turns its head aside as if to ignore him, but still moves ever-so-slightly that the electric type can find a seating in the beanbag.

Goh stumbles over Ash, until they’re both laying down on the futon. Goh shakes his head at the soft impact to Ash’s collarbone, quickly reincorporating himself, leaning his head back so their eyes can meet.

_This idiot. Why does Goh put up with him again?_

“Hi,” Whispers Ash, dumbly, grin overtaking his features.

_Ah, right, he loves him._

It doesn’t mean he’ll just let him get his way with the shenanigans.

It’s decidedly too late for them to still be awake, especially for Ash, with the emotionally taxing day he’s had, and Goh’s only mission right now is to help him get some rest. Everything else they can figure out in the morning.

Goh gives him a stern look, and not-very-kindly pushes back with his forearms “None of this,” He says, standing up from the futon altogether, still serious, but stretching a hand out to help Ash up as well “You need to get ready for bed,” He reminds.

Ash sighs dramatically, but takes the hand being offered, and allows himself to be pulled up to standing as well. He finds himself nose-to-nose with his partner now, and, once again, resolves on a dumb smile and another chuckled _hi,_ taking advantage of the position to lightly brush their lips together.

Goh smiles into the soft press, and nuzzles Ash’s nose with his own, “Take off your pants,” he instructs, surprising Ash, and making him raise an interested eyebrow.

“ _Yes?”_

Goh replies with a patient look, “For _sleeping,_ don’t get any ideas.”

Ash pouts cutely, but not cutely enough that Goh will fall for his act. Still, he obediently unbuttons his trousers, pulling them down until they hit the floor with a _thud,_ and he’s left in his boxer-briefs.

Goh hums, and brings his arms to the hem of Ash’s shirt, “Arms up.”

Amused, the trainer does as told, his next comment muffled by the cloth coming over his face.

“You’re literally undressing me, and I’m supposed to _not_ get any ideas?” He accuses.

Goh does chuckle this time, but shakes his head, “I’m just helping you change,” He replies, innocently. He pecks Ash a final time, before turning around to where their clothes are.

The t-shirt with the sleeping Snorlax at the front is one of the trainer’s favorites, so he finds it and goes with that one.

“Up,” He says again. Ash follows easily this time, and when Goh is finished dressing him, he wraps his arms around his boyfriend’s waist, burying his face in the hollow of his neck, breathing in.

Goh hugs him back, arms coming up to cross around Ash’s shoulders.

“You’re babying me,” Points out the trainer.

“You’re feeling down,” Reminds Goh over a whisper, a little sadly himself.

“I should feel down more often, then,” He jokes.

It misses the crowd.

“No.” Deadpans the researcher, serious.

Ash drops a kiss to his boyfriend’s neck before leaning back, meeting the blue eyes he loves so much.

They’re worried, and Ash hates being the reason for it.

“I feel better now,” He comforts.

Goh shrugs, “Let me spoil you anyways,” He says, complicit, smile playing on his lips.

Ash would never object to that.

So he happily lets Goh maneuver them back to the futon, allows himself to be held in the researcher’s arms once again, and meets every gentle kiss with fervor, until they’re both breathless, warm, and relaxed.

It’s the kindest contrast for Goh, to have Ash so pliant and merry, when only last night he was confused and overwhelmed. When only a few hours ago he was crying helplessly in his arms, betrayed and angry.

Now he’s nuzzling the blushed skin of Goh’s neck, playful and sweet, every press of their lips a reassurance, a promise that the worst part is over. They’re not entirely out of the woods just yet, he knows, but it’s clear enough that he can see the way now.

Goh may not be able to see people’s auras, like Lucario or even Ash do sometimes, but he knows the man in his arms better than he knows himself.

Ash the extrovert, with endless charm, cheer, and optimism. The man who doesn’t let any setbacks stop him, and jumps into adventure headfirst and with confidence. He knows the Ash that has spent the last ten years working every moment to achieve what most believe is an impossible dream, his determination unwavering.

But it’s the same Ash who falls into a slump every now and again, insecure and worried for his Pokémon, for whether he is doing the right thing, wondering if he’s a good trainer at all, when he keeps losing this or that battle.

He knows the Ash who held back his own tears at the airport that last day the saw each other, because Goh was already a sobbing mess, and he didn’t want to make it worse. The Ash who hugged him tight enough that Goh would feel him for _days,_ whispering into his ear that this was not the end of their journey, could never be.

They were just beginning.

Ash who kisses him for no particular reason, and out of the blue, smiling like the idiot he is. And the same Ash who pins him against a wall and has his wicked way with him, fiery and spontaneous. _Also_ the Ash who wakes him up _far too early_ on a Monday morning, just so they can make love before the day begins, impossibly tender and sweet, not giving Goh the slightest chance to protest. Not that he would.

He knows that Ash is also strangely jealous, at times, which amuses Goh more than it annoys him, really, because it’s almost endearing how protective he can be of the researcher, and it amazes Goh how he doesn’t realize it’s _him_ the one people steals stares at most place they go.

Goh can’t blame them.

Ash is _beautiful,_ tall, tan skinned, his body strong, taunt and muscled, thanks to years of training. Ash with the adorable marks on his cheeks, that make his features even more unique, all the more attractive to admire. Ash with the bright brown eyes and the untamable raven hair, always clad in something colorful.

The Ash who packs his lunch and drops in a few candy bars, because Goh loves candy bars.

And, yeah, of course is the same Ash who eats the last of his candy sometimes, and then shamelessly blames it on Cinderace later…

But it’s also the Ash who invents games to keep them entertained on trains, and who carries extra coats to give to Goh. Is the Ash who keeps in touch with every last one of his friends, asks about their families and respective dreams, and is sincerely curious about their new projects, genuinely happy to learn about their achievements.

Ash, who feels like he has something to prove.

To himself. To the world.

To a man he hasn’t seen in fourteen years, but whose memory burns so strongly in the trainer’s mind, Goh sometimes fears Ash will always be chasing after his blurry shadow.

Is the same Ash who was confused and hurt in his arms these past few days, who couldn’t understand _why_ he couldn’t understand something that was so painfully obvious all this time. An Ash who couldn’t, for the life of him, force himself to act okay when he wasn’t.

Goh loves that about Ash. He is genuine, almost to a fault.

Goh loves everything about Ash, even the traits and flaws the trainer is oblivious about. He loves the way Ash’s lips press to his cheek right now, and the murmured silly nothings he whispers into his ear, no doubt trying to comfort _him,_ because he feels guilty over the emotional rollercoaster he’s subjected him to.

Goh would try to stop him, but he knows him too well for that, too.

It’s all right, reasons Goh, because this makes Ash feel better as well, and that’s all that matters.

Ash is complex, and rich. After all these years together, sometimes Goh feels as though he’s just beginning to scratch the surface of everything he is. Only just begun to unravel all the magic that resides behind the brightness of his brown eyes (Which are unfairly beautiful, by the way, and Goh can’t quite believe his luck somedays, because he gets to look at them on the daily, gets to see them shine with mirth and curiosity for the world they spend their days exploring).

Everything that is Ash, Goh loves. And everything that is Ash, Goh fiercely wants to protect, so that the light in his eyes never even threatens to go off.

He adores the way Ash buries into his arms right now, sleepy and at ease, sighing out in contentment at the familiar and ever welcomed feeling of Goh’s hands threading his raven locks.

He knows Ash _so well,_ he can sense the exact moment he’s about to fall asleep. His breath paces, and all of his muscles relax minutely.

As it turns out, Ash knows _him_ so well, that he sneaks a hand under the cloth of his shirt, thumb tenderly caressing the soft skin of his belly, his voice but a whisper when he speaks.

“Shh, I’m all right, baby, I promise,” He soothes, reeling down Goh’s busy mind, “Please get some rest,” He requests, for the second time that night.

And, yeah, Goh can do that now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't wait to read your thoughts on all that. Please do let's talk in the comments, and I hope to see you next week for the last part. 
> 
> Please be safe out there, I love you loads <3


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello loveys, thank you for joining once again in this not-so-short little story. I appreciate you all greatly, and I hope you will enjoy reading this last part as much as I've enjoyed sharing it with you:

“Did you notice that your mom hung mistletoe over your door?” Comments Goh, though he’s not much expecting an answer from the seemingly unconscious body wrapped around him.

Ash shakes his head, babbling a string of sleepy noises, muffled and illegible where his face is pressed to the researcher’s shoulder.

When his brain catches up to the information, however, he’s quick to open his eyes, alarmed and electric.

Things have really come back to normal, now.

“You mean I’ve been missing out on _kisses?!”_ He expresses, scandalized.

It’s loud, much louder than it needs to be at seven in the morning. But this is Ash, loud comes in the package, so Goh will take it.

Apparently, ‘kisses’ come in the package as well. One after another and in quick succession, falling all over his cheeks, forehead, chin, neck, ear… _stop that, you know I’m ticklish there - Ash!_

It’s all fun and games until Ash presses their lips together, close mouthed and intense, and when he leans back and their eyes meet, there is a glint on Ash’s that Goh knows too well.

The next kiss lands right below his left ear, open and wet. Ash ducking his head lower a moment later, so he can dive straight into the love-mark he’s been drawing over and over that year.

Goh sighs out in pleasure, a hand coming up to the bed-combed hair, pulling ever-so-slightly, with just enough pressure that Ash will feel it.

The trainer groans in reply. Goh smirks.

“There’s mistletoe in the kitchen, too, you know…”

“Hm? I’ll kiss you there, too,” Promises Ash, distractedly, hand dancing up to the curve of Goh’s waist under his shirt.

Goh’s entire body leans into his attentions, and Ash loves this. Loves the way he responds, how his lithe frame fits so well in his hands, how it seeks his warmth. Loves the quiet moans that fall from his lips, how he holds onto Ash’s shoulders and his nails dig into the skin there.

He’s perfect in the mornings. Mellow and loose limbed, large blue eyes lazy with sleep.

A just woken-up Goh is also faintly-less-alert than usual, which means is the perfect opportunity for Ash to be all the more doting, Goh generous enough to let him do as he pleases, with almost minimum teasing of his mawkishness.

It never lasts too long, unfortunately.

“Ash,” the mouth on neck has definitely left a bruise by now, and the hands on his navel have begun wandering slightly south, towards dangerous territory. Goh would very much love to let him continue and find out where this is going, but he’s still mindful of their Pokémon sleeping in the room, not to mention their whereabouts, “that’s enough, c’mon,” He gently pushes at the trainer’s shoulders, forearms granting some distance between their bodies.

Ash pouts at the small separation, because _of course he does._ Impossible and spoiled.

Goh sighs again, and takes his hands off the trainer’s shoulders, arms opening to his sides instead, inviting.

Not a second later, he finds himself crushed under a hundred and fifty pounds of tan-skinned-champion, blissful and giggling into the hug.

He indulges this man far too much, thinks Goh, mildly alarmed by the way Ash has essentially just punched the air out of him, and yet, he doesn’t care, not one bit, because Ash is being cute and pliant and gleeful.

And that’s all Goh really needs to stay alive.

“Good morning, baby,” Breathes the trainer, softly, dropping another, much tamer kiss to Goh’s cheek.

The researcher chuckles, because that’s a bit of an understatement.

But he replies in kind, and draws senseless patterns on the expanse of his boyfriend’s back. He lets them bask in the hold a little longer. It’s still early, and though Ash’s angst has greatly dissipated, the charge of the last two days and its revelations haven’t magically disappeared. He can use the comfort, and Goh is happy to provide it.

-0-

Ash genuinely does love Christmas.

He loves the decorations, and the spirit of the season. Loves the Christmas themed candy, and the eggnog. Loves his mother’s Christmas bread, with fruit in it and heavy on the cinnamon.

He loves decorating the Christmas tree. They’ve always had the ones on the small side, but as a child, his mom would let him put plenty of ornaments on, shaped like all sorts of Pokémon. The flakey old set of lights dimming a bit more with each passing year, but always giving a healthy hue of gold to their living room.

Even the gift exchange he enjoys. Though not big on receiving presents himself, Ash loves the look on his mother’s face when she opens his gift, and he’s excited to see Goh’s face when he receives his present this year.

He loves the dinner party held on Christmas Eve…

Ash loves Christmas. And for the first time in years, he’s got the chance to spend it with the people he loves the most under the same roof. He can’t let it go to ruin over the disaster that has been the last few days.

He owes it to his mom - and to Professor Oak - to fix this. To make Christmas feel like a celebration again.

He owes it to Goh, who joined him all the way across the region for a proper holiday break, and thus far has gotten nothing but a sulking champion and depressive childhood recollections.

He owes it to their Pokémon, that can only visit Pallet and their friends at the Lab every so often, and should be making the most of the quiet and calm of the season before going back to the city and their busy lives.

Ash wants to bask in the joy of these days with his family, every last member of it.

He loves Christmas so much, that over breakfast he asks his mom if they can postpone the gift opening until the evening this year.

Delia agrees, confused and curious, but lenient to his request. It’s not the strangest thing he’s ever asked for.

It’s not even on the top five.

“Are you going anywhere this morning, dear?” She asks, trying to figure out what his plan is.

“The Lab,” He replies, determined, “I gotta talk to Professor Oak.”

Delia says nothing for a moment, and hopes the surprise isn’t too evident on her face.

Although the misunderstandings had been cleared, and everyone had been forgiven, the question mark remained on Delia’s mind of just _how much_ would the dynamic change - if at all -between her son and her beloved Professor, now that everyone knew the truth.

She would never entertain a relationship that her son didn’t approve of, that much was certain. And for the longest time she’d actively _repressed_ her budding feelings for the elder man.

Partly because something in her remained attached to Grey, foolish as she knew it was, her heart had not been ready to move on. But also, an even larger part of her was always thinking of Ash, of what he would think, if he would be upset, if he would understand it, if he could ever grow to accept her affections for someone else…

But Ash had been right last night. He was not a child anymore, and he didn’t need to be treated with kid-gloves. He could take the truth. And he wanted for her to trust him, no differently than she would trust a friend.

What a silly boy. How-ever could she make him understand that, to her, he could never be _‘a friend’’._

Ash was her _entire world,_ everything under the great sky began and ended with Ash, and the light that burned behind his brown eyes was the only energy Delia needed to stay alive, to keep fighting in this life she had been given.

As a mother, Delia feels infinitely proud of all of Ash’s achievements and heroic deeds to date. But never has she been prouder of him than she was last night, when he came into her room and told her that all he wanted for her was to be happy. As happy as she had made sure he was during his childhood, as happy as he felt these days, now that he was so well on his way to realize his dream.

_And you can be happy alone, mama, I know that. But it’s really, really awesome when you can be happy with someone by your side. I want you to be that happy, too! And I don’t want you to hide that happiness, specially not for my sake._

Delia has no doubt as to where that piece of wisdom comes from.

As she sees her son refill Goh’s coffee mug, mere moments before the boy expresses his wish for some more, sees warm eyes and an amused smile take over his features, as Goh tells the story of Cinderace and Pikachu’s checkers game last night, which sounds to have been quite the encounter.

Her son is _in love,_ has found someone who makes him feel all the wonderful things loves is supposed to be. It might be all the romance novels she’s read in her lifetime, but Delia can confidently state that what her dear son and her very-much-dear Goh share together is fated. Was always meant to be, one way or another.

She can be sentimental like that.

More rationally, however, she can see just much of a great match these two young men are, and is forever thankful to know there is someone who loves and takes care of her son with as much adoration as Goh does. She knows Ash is in good hands.

Her son, still playful and confident, with that same youthful curiosity about the world that had first taken him on his journey many years ago. Her son, who just last night had demonstrated outstanding maturity, through his apology, yes, but also with his encouraging words and acceptance.

She didn’t expect less, truly. And all of her previous hesitation and secrecy feel pointless now.

But if there is something Delia has learned from all her years, it is that dwelling on the past renders useless.

If there is something she has learned from her son, is to always keep an eye out for what’s coming next.

Because the best was yet to come.

“I”m sure he will want to see you as well,” Is what she finally replies, calmly.

She knows so, actually, because Sam had expressed nothing but his uttermost understanding the night before, but had also assured her that he was ready to talk to Ash, when the young champion felt ready himself.

He’d hugger her tightly and kissed the top of her head, promising that it would all work out.

Her Sam could be so kind. So selfless and considerate. Delia could only hope that Ash - Ah, but of course he would.

She knows her son.

-0-

Once more, he arrives to the Lab without bothering to announce himself and, once more, he runs into Gary on the main floor. The researcher barely lifts his gaze from his work, pointing a hand to the back of the place, “Garden,” is all he says, Ash giving a curt nod in response, ready to keep walking.

“Wait, Ash…” Gary meets his eyes this time, and the briefest of conversations takes place during the exchange.

“I know,” Responds the trainer, nodding again, “It’s all right, none of it was on you. Just - don’t put Goh in that position again,” He demands, serious, and it’s Gary’s turn to nod.

Their eyes meet again, and is the last thing they say before Ash is walking again, armed and ready to face the Professor.

No. To face _Sam._

Even on Christmas Day, the Pokémon need to be fed and tended to, and Ash is only so relieved that the Lab’s garden is mostly a neutral ground, feels confident enough to have this conversation and say his piece.

It doesn’t play out the way he’d hoped.

It doesn’t even _start_ the way he’d thought it would.

Bulbasaur has somehow vine-whipped itself with Bayleef and Sceptile, in grass-type tangle disaster. The Professor looks mildly alarmed, but is - as collectedly as he can - trying to defuse the situation.

 _Trying_ being the operative word.

Arceus, what kind of trouble do his Pokémon get up to when he’s away? Is it always like this?

“Um, can I help?” He asks, and more than an offer is a genuine question, because he’s not sure of what he’s just walked into, nor does he have any idea of how to fix it.

The Professor turns to him with grateful eyes, and motions with his free hand for Ash to come closer, “You see that vine over there? I’m holding Sceptile’s tail so it won’t spring and make it worse, and I can’t quite reach it, but if we twist it _just so_ around Bayleef’s middle, I think it might do the trick.”

Ash does as instructed, and, indeed, the vine around Bayleef’s middle untangles, freeing his smaller friend on one side. From there, it becomes much easier to twist the other vine from Sceptile’s tail, they just have to be careful about it, and Ash is admired (yet not surprised) of just how gentle Professor Oak is with his Pokémon, of how much they seem to like him in return.

Some minutes later, when all three of his grass-type are free and the crisis is averted, Ash remembers why he’d come in the first place.

He’d been thinking of his words the entire way over, but now, with the Professor in front of him, so calm and kind, and acting as if nothing had ever happened, he finds himself at a loss.

He resolves on the one thing he can’t let go undone for another moment.

“Please forgive me,” He says, bowing down intently, “Professor, please forgive me for the way I acted last night, and for being rude to you in our house.” He’s flushed and embarrassed, but his words come out clear and decided.

He’s a little taken aback when a hand places on his shoulder, “Stop that, son,” He hears the older man say, “There is no need,” Ash lifts his gaze and meets his eyes, which he knows is disrespectful in a moment like this, but his curiosity gets the best of him, and the Professor’s eyes are still just as kind when he speaks again, “Let’s go over there,” He suggests, nodding to one of the benches nearby.

Ash follows, silently and somehow dumbfounded.

For a good three minutes it’s nothing but silent, absent observation of the creatures around them. It isn’t awkward, per se, but Ash feels antsy.

He wants to break the silence, but everything he wants to say it’s coming on top of each other his head, and it’s confusing even for him to make sense of it all.

Much to his relief, Professor Oak speaks first.

“I first told your mother about my feelings for her on this bench,” He confesses.

It’s…not what Ash was expecting to hear

“Oh, um - ”

“…Six years ago”

_There’s no way -_

“And, of course, it took me years to gather the courage to even tell her about those feelings.”

“Professor…” It’s a good thing the man keeps talking, because Ash isn’t too sure of what he would’ve said, too astonished to even react properly.

“Can I tell you about something I’ve figured out, in all these years?” The automatic response is a nod, because Ash is used to hearing this man talk and gawk in admiration at all the fantastic discoveries that come out of his mouth.

He has an inkling this one won’t be Pokémon related, though.

He’s curious anyway.

“What I’ve learned,” He begins, and Ash can hear every last one of his years filter in his voice, “Is that love is infinitely patient, and can manifest in endless ways.” Which is lovely, and poetic, but Ash doesn’t quiet get why he’s talking about - _“_ Your mother is the smartest person I know, Ash. Much more so than I will ever be, with all the certificates and prizes. And she had figured out I was helplessly in love with her way before I ever did. She wasn’t surprised that day, when I told her, but I could tell she wasn’t pleased I had done so, either. There was still sorrow in her heart.”

Something pulls at the trainer’s core at those words. Painful and guilty, tarnished are the memories he knows both of them carry, of a man that they’d promised loyalty to.

Even when he hadn’t been so considerate himself…

His mother had been trying to live up to a promise as well, unfair and impossible, and only then does Ash realize how stupid all of this is.

To deny her own happiness for… “Is it - was it because of _me?”_ It sounds conceited, but the truth is he just wants to know how many people’s lives have been affected for his sake.

How is he any different from his father, if the people he cares about put their happiness on hold so Ash will feel good every time he comes back to Pallet-Town? He never wants to be that person. Never wants to be as selfish as _him._

“Oh, Ash, no, no. Don’t you ever think that,” Urges the Professor, “Your mother loves you,” Ash nods, because, _yeah,_ that much he knows. _What good has it done to her, though,_ when all it’s caused is repressed feelings and lies. Perhaps inadvertently, Sam is quick to soothe his concern, “She wasn’t ready, back then, and to be frank, I hadn’t meant anything with my declaration, I just wanted her to know. I felt it was the right thing to tell her, because, well…”

“When you love someone, you let them know,” Completes Ash, remembering that cryptic conversation he’d had with his mother years ago, when he’d called her, confused and scared of all the things he’d been feeling for Goh, the sensations new and mysterious.

She’d made it simple again, just by telling him to be honest. With Goh, yes. But also with himself.

Sam nods, and continues, “After that we decided to let things run their course, and you must know that, even if nothing had ever happened, I would have always stayed by your and your mother’s side. Her friendship is most dear to me. As are you.”

Objectively, Ash knows this. Because Professor Oak has been in his life for so long, present and supportive, it’d be hard to believe the man _doesn’t_ care even a little for him.

But he doesn’t recall ever actually hearing the words. And he hadn’t quite realized just how much he needed them. How much they would mean to him.

He bites back his emotion at the declaration, however, a more pressing issue burning his mind.

“What _did_ happen? Between you two, I mean.” It’s an indecorous question, but he would like to hear the full story.

The Professor releases a chuckle, and Ash hopes it’s actually funny, because he could use a breather, “Not a lot, actually,” He admits, “It was the little things that changed. She would join more often on my visits to fellow researchers, and we would share most meals together. She would let me help out more in her garden. Your mother, being the brilliant woman she is, kindly pointed out one day how we were already a couple, and she was okay with making that an official stance.”

He answers Ash’s next question before the trainer even formulates it, “It was right after that last visit you made, before leaving to the Champion’s Island. Delia said she knew you wouldn’t be coming back to Pallet after that. Not for long, at least.”

 _That’s_ funny, thinks Ash, who would’ve never even imagined everything that would unfold that following year at the Champion’s Island. He’d been the most surprised one, when Professor Cerise had called Goh and him that October afternoon last year, talking about this project he’d been working on for a while, saying how he’d very much like to invite his best research-fellows to participate.

Ash hadn’t known, back then, that all of his silent prayers would be heard, and he would finally be able to reunite with his best friend, for good this time.

But of course his mother would know, he reasons. That’s what mothers do.

“That is not to say,” Continues the Professor. Ash hasn’t really said much himself, but he finds this is actually going better than he hoped. _“_ That she purposely waited for you to, er, _’leave-the-nest’,_ so to speak, to finally give our own relationship a chance. I believe it was just timing. She, too, felt it was the right moment for some changes to occur.”

Changes. The very thing Ash had been dreading all along.

He’s always had this vision of Pallet-town. With its green trees and its shiny sun, red-colored-roofs and white-picket-fences. Taken out of a postcard, rural and quiet and magical. The small-town way.

He was proud of his town and his upbringing. And felt like he owed a great deal of his success to the place that had first seen him grow, where he’d started his journey all those years back.

Pallet remained constant. Where everything else in the scenery was perpetually changing, he felt like he could come back here and things would be the same. His mother always harvesting something fresh in her garden, the Professor always teaching and unraveling information about Pokémon and their lifestyles. Insufferable Gary working alongside the Lab crew and his grandfather. His own Pokémon playing and sharing in this same garden.

In his vision, he’d always done his uttermost effort to ignore how things _had_ changed. And he’d missed out on how fantastic those changes had actually been.

His mother still has delicious plants and berries in her garden, but she’s also picked up an interest for traveling, and there is now so much more they can talk about.

Professor Oak has ventured beyond just Pokémon behavior, keeping regular contact with his cousin in the Alola Region, and has begun, too, researching the wonders of Pokémon in other worlds. That little change alone had granted Goh his own apprenticeship at the Aether Foundation years before, and Ash would never think of that as a negative happenstance, when he knows the opportunity had meant so much to his best friend.

Insufferable Gary…well, _that hasn’t changed._

But everything else, even the town he’s so stubbornly frozen in his mind - The white-picket-fences are chipped in some houses, and some townsfolk have actually re-painted their roofs _green (_ which, preposterous, in his opinion, but what can you do). A bunch of the trees have fallen or dried, but there are new ones coming up in their place, still young and not-yet-as-impressive as the ones he remembers, but growing on their rightful way nonetheless.

Professor Oak, who has deep lines contouring his eyes and mouth, and whose hair has turned grey for good. Professor Oak, who walks a little slower, but still has a spring on his step. Professor Oak, whose smile hasn’t changed.

It only so happens he has more reasons to smile, these days.

Ash does, too.

He is a man in love himself.

And how great is that, he thinks, to learn there is someone who loves his mother so much. To know he will look after her. It’s no longer something Ash feels he’s lost, the responsibility to take care of her. Rather, it’s beginning to feel as a privilege he gets to share with someone else.

And for that person to be someone Ash admires and respects so much as Professor Oak.

More importantly, someone who has _stayed,_ through all the seasons thus far, and who Ash has no doubts plans to stay for all the seasons to come.

That’s a change he can live with.

-0-

About an hour later, when he walks back into the house, he finds it empty, but very distinctively hears laughter coming from the backyard.

He finds everyone on the deck, sitting in the pretty garden chairs that Ash would use as stepping stones in his childhood. There are mugs of tea half finished in their hands. And though the mid-morning air is brisk and a little chilly, the sun is shining healthily enough that it isn’t unbearably cold.

Pikachu and Cinderace are helping Mr. Mime pick up berries, which no doubt will find their way into whatever meal they are having later (if they don’t eat them all in the harvest process, that is).

“Oh, dear, welcome back,” Says Delia, repairing on his presence. Her tone is cheery as ever, if a little hesitant when she asks, “How did it go?”

Goh turns to look at him over his shoulder, smile easy on his face. He’s got on one of those throw blankets his mom keeps around _everywhere,_ their purpose in the world never quite clear to Ash. But it looks rather adorable around his boyfriend’s frame, so they can live to see another day, he decides.

Ash takes a deep breath, but his mouth pulls upwards ever-so-slightly, and the ghost of a smile traces his features. All things considered: “It was all right.”

Goh rolls his eyes at the reply. Because that’s Ash’s response to _everything,_ even when things aren’t all right, even when things are complicated. Besides, they’ve been waiting for well-over an hour, and are definitely not settling for ‘ _all right’._

“You’re gonna have to do better than _‘all right’,_ ” Shots Goh, imitating his tone mockingly at the last two words, air quotes coming up.

Ash makes a face at him, narrowing his eyes menacingly. But when approaches him by the chair and clasps his throw-blanket clad shoulders, all he does is lean down to smack a kiss to his cheek.

“It was _all right,”_ He insists, muffled and exaggerated into Goh’s cheekbone, who squirms and giggles at the attention, the joyous little sound of his laughter filling Ash with affection.

When he straightens up again, he keeps his hands to the researcher’s shoulders, and aims the next sentence at his mother, “I apologized, and explained to him why I reacted the way I did… but he knows I’m okay with it now…no, he knows I’m happy for you two. And I really am,” He reassures, looking straight into her eyes.

“I know you are, darling.” She looks radiant, and, truly, Ash has no choice but to go over where she’s sitting and kiss her, too. Loud and dramatic, full of the energy that characterizes him.

“I’ve invited him over tonight, so we can try dinner again,” He informs after.

Delia hums her understanding, having expected as much.

“Gary as well?” She enquires.

“No?” Tries Ash, feigning innocence. His mother and partner give him an unimpressed look, and he sighs out in defeat, a dismissive hand waving back and forth, “Yeah, yeah, of course Gary as well.” But only because he was right there at the Lab, and it would’ve been rude not to. Not because he actually wanted Gary there. Never.

-0-

Dinner _does_ go smoothly this time, Professor Oak sits next to Delia, again, but this time Ash doesn’t spend the entire meal stealing glances their way. Though when he does, he has to admit to himself that they look quite nice together, indeed.

The conversation flows well and amicable, no plates are broken and no doors or tables are smashed. So it’s already considerably better than the night before had been.

Mr. Mime presents the tales of the _Alternate Dimension in Alola,_ and, _seriously, when are you gonna let us live that one down? It didn’t even happen like that! No, Gary, I didn’t cry jumping through the portal! - Well, you whined quite a bit…_

Betrayed and wounded - _by his own boyfriend_ \- , Ash calls off the storytelling.

Fortunately, there’s gifts, too, and Ash is most excited about those, had carefully chosen every present weeks in advance this year. _Yes, he’d picked something for Gary as well, no, we don’t ever need to talk about it._

The party moves to the living room, where, over coffee and dessert, Ash starts bringing out colorful boxes and packages, something for everyone, including the Pokémon.

Goh looks at him curiously when a large box is placed on his lap.

“Um, you just gave me a gift,” He blinks, confusedly, and a little perplexed at the box’s size, wondering what it could be storing.

“That was four days ago,” Dismisses Ash, grinning widely, “Besides, that was your birthday gift. This is _Christmas,”_ He stresses, gently tapping the box again, prompting Goh to open it.

Ash is often thoughtful, but gifts have been a bit of a luxury over the years, - with all the distance they’ve had to deal with - so it’s a little surprising for Goh to be receiving not one, but two actual presents from the trainer in the span of a week.

Ever-curious, Goh lifts the lid of the box, eyes opening like plates when he sees its contents.

“Ash…” He gasps. The aforementioned keeps smiling madly, nodding for him to take it out.

“What is it, sweetie?” Asks Delia, equally curious, trying to peak into the box from her position across the room.

By her side, Professor Oak represses a smirk. Other than Ash and his cousin Samson, he was the only person who knew about this gift, and had been nothing but helpful, when the trainer had called last month, fresh out of his vacation, and plotting what he knew would be the _best_ Christmas present for Goh.

“it’s an egg,” Answers Goh, carefully pulling out the unhatched item. It’s got red and yellow marks around it, not a combination Goh has seen before.

“From the Alola Region,” Supplies Ash, loving the look of absolute mirth on his boyfriend’s face.

If there weren’t an unborn Pokémon in his lap right now, Goh would positively _jump_ on Ash right this moment, grateful and joyous over such a wonderful gift.

Instead, their eyes meet for a few seconds, deep blue glinting at fiery brown, and they say everything they need to say without words.

There will be time for those later.

“You’ve really outdone yourself this year, dear,” Compliments Delia, moving around the living room in the new dress he’d just given her, setting another plate of cookies on the coffee table.

Ash blushes at the flattery, but tries to play it off, “It’s Christmas,” He says over a shrug. “And it’s the first one we get to spend as a family in a while. That’s worth a celebration, right?”

His mom smiles approvingly at the words, not missing the way he’s included not only Goh, but Sam as well in that sentence.

And Gary, too. Probably.

Ash looks at her, _really looks at her,_ and catches something he’s been missing out on all these years in his futile attempt to keep things as they were.

She is _beautiful._

Always, he believes, but tonight especially, she seems to be glowing. The bright blue dotted dress he’d gifted her looks adorable, and she’d immediately made it hers, complimenting it with a matching ribbon. Her hair falls prettily around her face and she’s smiling so bright she lights up the whole room.

She looks _free,_ notes Ash, realizing how different she acts now, how special she is to Professor Oak.

It’s subtle, but it’s there. In the blush on her cheeks, the song of her laughter.

In the way she says his name.

_Sam, could you put the kettle on, please?_

In the way he says _hers._

_Let me get that for you, Delia._

It’s what love sounds like.

He would know.

“Ash… Ash!” Calls Goh, fingers quickly snapping in front of his face. The aforementioned blinks, and frowns at Goh’s worried insistence, “You are zoning out,” He says.

No, no. They are past all this, “I’m sorry, baby,” Apologizes the trainer, grabbing at the hand Goh had just been snapping, tenderly kissing his wrist, “I’m good. Promise.”

They’ve cuddled up on the larger couch, the gift opening mostly over, one of his arms crossed over Goh’s shoulders, there’s unfinished eggnog mugs in both of their hands. Though Goh is mostly over his. _The third,_ notices Ash.

Pikachu had loved Delia’s knitted hat, and Cinderace had been pleasantly surprised to learn there was one for him as well, flustered and confused to receive anything from someone other than Goh or Ash. _Everyone in the family gets one,_ winked Delia, sweetly.

Goh had gotten one as well.

So had Gary, but, again, they never need to speak of it.

His mom has gone overboard with the food, as expected, and has been indulging Goh’s sweet tooth all evening long, with cookies, dessert, eggnog, and _oh, we have a pie as well! You have to try the pie, dear._

Gary is running his mouth about Alolan eggs and how they differ from those in Kanto and any other region, deeply entranced in the one Goh had just gotten…

Ash doesn’t listen to Gary on a good day, and right now, he’s more preoccupied with the idea forming in his head.

“Hey, you said there was mistletoe in the kitchen, right?” He asks to Goh, sotto voice, as his boyfriend leans further into the half embrace.

“Yeah, right there,” he points, nodding towards the threshold of the door that divides the kitchen from the living room.

Sam is holding the door open for his mom as she’s walking out with a large tray on her hands, the pie still steaming (Seriously, she indulges Goh _too much)._

But it’s the perfect opportunity…

“Mama!” He calls, not loud, but forceful enough to get her attention. She looks his way with questioning eyes, and he points to the spot above her head, signaling the mistletoe.

Promptly, Delia flushes, laughing to hide her embarrassment, and shaking her head in an undermining manner.

Ash isn’t having it, “It’s the rules, mama, you gotta kiss!”

Gary stops talking, and takes in the scene with an amused expression. Goh looks mildly mortified, swatting a hand to the trainer’s chest, trying to stop him from flustering his mother and _the Professor._

But his genius boyfriend has got it wrong this time, because that isn’t Professor Oak over there. Well, it is to them, will always be. But to his mother, this is _Sam._ And if her and Sam are bold enough to stand under the mistletoe together, they ought to be brave enough to follow-through on its consequence as well.

The Professor laughs, good humored and only a little red on the cheeks. He takes the tray off Delia’s hands, and hands it over to Mr. Mime, who has come to assist the trainer’s mischievous plan.

Without her shielding goods, Delia is vulnerable to her son’s teasing, and she gives into Sam’s complicit actions helplessly, as he wraps a sure arm around her waist, gentle, as he always is, his smirk a bit more playful than usual when he leans into her space.

So kind, her Sam, still asking for quiet consent with his eyes. She nods her agreement with a sigh, just as their lips press together.

Is chaste, at best, and lasts but a few seconds. But Ash counts it as a victory.

He isn’t too sure what exactly he was trying to achieve, exactly. He’d just wanted to see it, maybe. Witness them together, and assess how he felt about it now that his mind was in the right place to process it.

He discovers he rather likes what he’s seen tonight.

As it turns out, he doesn’t remember ever seeing his mom kiss anyone. She’d probably kissed his father at some point, sure. But Ash has no recollection of it. And he hopes this is just his memory failing him again, but he honestly can’t remember ever seeing her _this_ joyous and serene.

Either way, this is the only way he wants her to be from now on. This is how she _deserves_ to be, and he will do anything in his power to protect that.

That’s what his father had asked of him, wasn’t it?

So he may be doing good on that promise after all.

Gary’s teasing whistle bring him out of his thoughts again, as does Goh’s pinch to his right flank, accusing and disapproving of his torture to his mother. But there’s amusement in his eyes as well, Ash can tell.

Delia and Professor Oak sit across them on the couch, his mother still a little nervous, trying to distract herself from the moment, and offering everyone a serving of pie.

The Pokémon are quick to jump at it, Pikachu’s cheeks covered in berry-red on top of its cheek-marks, Cinderace careful not to get it all over his white fur, Gary’s Umbreon eating delicately, much like its trainer. Mr. Mime eats off an empty plate, but seems to be enjoying it just as much as the others.

Ash opens his mouth in silent request, and, begrudgingly, Goh feeds him spoonfuls of the pastry, one of the trainer’s arms is still secured around his shoulders, and it doesn’t seem as though he’ll be moving it, not even for pie. Any other time, the researcher would push him off and tell him to stop being so cheesy. But it’s Christmas, and Goh reasons this can be his little Christmas miracle to Ash.

It’s getting late tonight as well, but this is not the type of evening the champion minds losing sleep over. There’s amicable chatting, and their Pokémon playing with their gifts around the living room. There is pie and Christmas lights on, and his mom has turned on the old record-player, too. It’s a proper party now.

 _This_ is exactly what Ash had wanted.

He’s so lucky, he thinks.

He knows he is.

And though this holiday break didn’t turn out as pliant and simple as he’d expected, he knows now that everything that happened was for the best, and he couldn’t imagine being here right now, surrounded by his family while still being in the dark about his mother and Professor Oak. Can’t imagine still wanting to keep his image of this old-town the same way he’s tried to do for nearly a decade.

He’s still silently recriminating himself for the turmoil he caused, and for foolishly believing that ignoring his anguish and memories of the past would make them go away. He knows better.

He knows better than to dwell on those thoughts, too.

But then there is his mother, kind and lively and singing along to the Christmas Carrols in the only holiday album they own. There’s Professor Oak, humming under his breath and looking at her the way he _knows_ means _I adore you._

There is Pikachu dancing around the living room with Umbreon on its tail, Cinderace tapping its foot and ears along with the rhythm (He might dance, if the stars feel like granting them more miracles, he _might_ just do it).

There is Goh, beautiful and _his,_ smiling for no reason with whiskey-blushed-cheeks, pressing to his side to chase the warmth of their bodies together.

What an idiot he is, realizes Ash, to have ever thought _anything_ could be better than this.

Just as well, the last few days, he can live with them. With his disappointment over his father and the now-forever-broken picture he had of Pallet-Town. With his mother’s understanding and the Professor’s declaration of love to his family. With Goh’s arms holding him at night, keeping him safe, his quiet words helping him make sense of his thousands of thoughts, guiding him through the darkest bits.

It’s all worked out in the end. And he’s only got the future to look forward to.

He’s got tonight to enjoy.

After pie - which the trainer hopes will be the last of the food, horrified at even thinking such a thing, but positively ready to _explode,_ if as much as a crumble makes its way into his body - things mellow down for a while, Delia and Sam are in the kitchen soaking the dishes, and Gary has stepped outside to call his sister and her family.

Goh takes advantage of the momentary privacy, and leans a little further into his boyfriend’s half embrace, nuzzling his cheek.

“You did promise me a kiss under this mistletoe,” He whispers, pecking Ash’s lips a few times,warm and flirty.

He’s clinging a bit, notices the champion, amused and very much charmed at the development.

It could be that he’s feeling cold, or maybe is all the eggnog he’s had.

It might just be that he’s in love.

“Mm, mistletoe’s all the way over there, baby,” He whispers back, head tilting slightly to the side, the action clumsy with their lips still brushing together. Instinctively, his fingers press a little harder to his boyfriend’s shoulder, pulling him in, anticipating the next kiss.

“I don’t care” Replies Goh.

Good, neither does Ash.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... how was that for a holiday break? Let me know what you thought, what you loved, what you didn't love - and I do so hope to read you all again soon on my next (still under development) installment of this series. Prompts and comments and kudos are all welcome and loved.
> 
> Thank you for tuning in every week, be safe out there x

**Author's Note:**

> You already know I adore chatting in the comments, please let me know what you think? How do you feel it will play out? Will everything really be all right?? We shall see...


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